Postcards From Yo Momma » Animals

Oh Deer

Postcards From Yo Momma — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:02:19 +0000

Backstory: My mom found a lot of deer in her flowerbeds this morning. She also has a loaded BB gun in the kitchen that she uses to scare off the “wildlife” that show up in my parents’ yard.

We’ll they’ve got the whole freaking woods. What do they need in my yard. God, just one more thing to piss me off that I have to shoot at.

xoxoxoxo
mom

Going Bird Crazy

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:35:16 +0000

just got home. Some birders were in from richmond (one of them owns a house up here). I had stopped by earlier to see if I could trap eagles on their land and they invited me for supper. Then I had to shut the chickens in so I am just settling in. Sounds like you’ve been going a little crazy. I’ll try to reach you tomorrow.
Love,
,mom

When Beagle Met Sally

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 14:00:53 +0000

Backstory: My parents have free-range chickens. My nephew named one of the roosters “Sally.” This also happens to be my mom’s name.

I just saved “Sally” rooster from the ugly beagle that has been hanging around here! I heard a terrible commotion outside and saw the beagle with “Sally” rooster in his mouth!!!…….put my boots on and grabbed the Tee Ball Bat….chased him around and finally got an opportunity to take a couple of swings at him! He cowered and yelped for a bit then got up and ran into the corn field…..had I not been home…….oh my! I will have to watch all day to make sure the chickens are safe!

:) Have a great day! Mom :)

A Horse is a Horse, Except When It’s a Dog

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 13:58:07 +0000

Backstory: Charlie is my mom’s dog.

Yesterday Charlie and I walked into town. On the way I passed a man with a huge dog. I commented that he was as big as a horse. He said he is bigger than some horses, but he is very friendly. A few minutes later I passed a woman walking a miniature horse down State Street on the sidewalk like it was a dog. Pretty funny. You don’t see that every day.

A Truly Beautiful Day

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 12 May 2009 17:30:14 +0000

What a beautiful day! Hope you’re not tooooooooooooooo tired for your big trip home today!
So the topic of breakfast conversation this morning with your father was,”You should see the big poop that some animal,( probably a deer because they are vegetarians, right?) did right in the middle of the backyard! Before I had time to comment, he continued with the fact that the consistency was different from Chloe’s and you could see the yellow forsythia flowers in it! I hope that this is not an indication of how the rest of my day is going to go! Stay safe and see you soon!
Love,
Mama xoxo

When Doves Cry and Fly Into Bedrooms

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:47:19 +0000

Woke up this morning to the cooing of a dove. Pried open my silken lashes from the gunk that the sandman left- when suddenly the cooing became the coughing gargling strangled strain of a dove that needed a tosilectomy. Whoosh into my bedroom flies an errant dove casting shadows from his enormous 7 inches wingspan upon my head. I ducked under the covers as a wild frenzy ensued as the beast crashed into walls and mirrors and chandeliers. Gingerly, I crept out of bed and avoiding the warm gifts dropped by my visitor. “MARISA, bring surgical gloves!” We don our protective coverings and proceed into the boudoir where the visitor is doing it’s toilette on the porcelain sink. Soft, comforting words do nothing to coax our visitor into her waiting hands. I lunge. It flies. Hopping on the scale I snatch the creature from its glass and metal perch and carry it to freedom out the bedroom window from whence it came. Promptly shutting the window. Hope your morning is going just as
well.

Medical Possumbilities

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 14:20:46 +0000

I had a CT done today of my stomach. I’m sure it was fine but the patient before me was a possum from the zoo. I have to be the only person in the world that had to wait for a possum to go first for a medical test.

Horse Trading

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 13:35:33 +0000

Backstory: My mom is thinking of getting another horse for my little sister (G), and I asked her what was wrong with the one she has now (Foxy).
Mom: This is a hunt horse we may get for G
Me: Ooooh, pretty! But what about Foxy???
Mom: Yeah-well……we may end up with a yard ornament.
Me: Haha, what?? What’s wrong with Foxy?
Mom: She’s a cranky bitch when she has her period (estrus (sp)) -she may or may not want to be ridden; It’s her choice. There’s an old saying about horses: you can tell a gelding to do something, you can ask a stallion to do something, but you will discuss your options with a mare.

The Reason Was Imperialism, Obvi

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:30:59 +0000

SUNY in the 70′s ditched their name “Colonials” and the newspaper name, “Colonial”. the newspaper is the pipe dream (of course). i think you already know this. And the reason was just that – imperialism.

SAVE THE HIPPO!

love, mom

DAMMIT, that was mine for a BLT!!!

Postcards From Yo Momma — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 15:48:08 +0000

Bee ( no pun intended haha) glad you are not home right now! The hornets
have invaded your room, well actually the house but more concentrated in your
room. Like we probably have killed several dozen! YUCK!
Had a tomato that was just about red enough to be picked and discovered
yesterday that some critter took it off the plant and then ate half of it!
DAMMIT, that was mine for a BLT!!!
What is a sonic blast? You dip your fries in it? Isn’t it ice cream? Sounds
gross to me! The chinese sounded good tho.
Enjoy your day, can’t wait for you to come home. Love, Mom

that only works for jelly fish

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:00:41 +0000

Me: So Friday I got stung by a bee for the first time ever.

Mom: If I were with you I would have peed on your arm.

Me: …

Me: I think that only works for jelly fish stings.

Mom: Oh

Me: Yeah

Mom: Are u trying to tell me you don’t want me peeing on your arm?

Give Crabs A Chance…

Postcards From Yo Momma — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:01:38 +0000

Well, your father left the house early this morning to go crabbing at high tide… and returned about 30 minutes later…. As I told him he didn’t give the crabs a chance…

Yuckos Barfos, it’s a raccoon in the trap

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 20:09:19 +0000

There was a baby raccoon (obviously not the originator of those huge piles of poop) in the trap today. He’ll have to take him somewhere for release and then set it up again as I’m positive there are more. Stay tuned.

Love,
Mom

Huge and I do mean huge

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:00:57 +0000

ok, i got the addresses for work people, and i brought my address books to work, since i still do not have the internet at home.

i will work on my list here at work, so i can send it to you in an attachment, like you did.

i had a huge and i do mean huge bullfrog on my patio last night when i tried to take penny out for her final pee. it startled me, just a little (!?!!).

love, mom

Animal House

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 13:37:50 +0000

OK – a mouse had been spotted in the new house.

Set a trap. No longer a problem.

A black snake is living under the refrigerator.

They Were Buggin’

Postcards From Yo Momma — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:30:52 +0000

The aerial acrobatics have begun . . . My birds are here!!! They were buggin’ Dad when he was up, staring in the kitchen window and looking mildly outraged. They were at the feeder this morning – I got it up first thing yesterday. And so, already two males are squabbling over ownership of the feeder. Chasin’ each other all over the front yard, zooming by the windows. Meanwhile the clever females sit at the feeder and enjoy the free lunch.

OK kiddo – I’m off to do more stuff to open the cottage.

Love,

Mom

Never Know What We’ll Find Lately

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:44:55 +0000

Mom: What did you do today? Bored huh

Me: Yep

Me: I’m going to the gym soon.

Mom: James is serenading me in the comp room.

Mom: OMG

Mom: I’m getting a headache

Mom: It’s getting louder he doesn’t like me talking in computer lingo LOL

Me: Well at least he is playing you music

Mom: yep Killer – I mean nugget left us have eaten mouse under the chair outside yesterday. Never know what we’ll find lately

Bird Attack

Postcards From Yo Momma — Fri, 30 May 2008 20:59:40 +0000

That is very strange. Do you think the bird’s building a nest and wants hair? What kind of bird is it and did it draw blood?

Do you call Animal Control for something like that? It’s kind of Hitchcockian. Do not throw the Coach bag at him. Better to be maimed and sent to the ER. Be careful in those mean streets!

Kill Me With Cuteness

Postcards From Yo Momma — Thu, 29 May 2008 13:00:42 +0000

mom: omg, cute overload is sooo cute lately

me: that’s pretty much the point

mom: haha, true. I love it when they say, just kill me now

Hippos

Postcards From Yo Momma — Mon, 26 May 2008 15:17:49 +0000

I just got your e mail Monday 27th on what to send to roommates sister.

Will try to send Tues 28th. Hope it gets to her in time. IMPORTANT: Hippo’s kill and eat more people in Africa than anything. Eric says don’t get between water, land and hippo. They will charge to eat you because they sleep in the water and when they feed they come up to eat people. He says this is a fact. MOM