Backstory: I was spending 3 months abroad and my mom (who just learned how to use the computer) and I were emailing each other every day. She doesn’t speak English so I translated it from Portuguese. B would be me, and Mcam would be a Web Cam

I got the other pictures. They turned out really well. Send me more whenever you feel like it.
B, could you my honeybee, cut your bangs again? Because you look prettier that way.
I’m not trying to upset you my daughter, but I really like your hair that way.
B, could you please buy me a mcam? I don’t know if this is the name but you understand, right?
I hope I can talk to you before New Year’s, why aren’t you calling me, why?

kisses,
Mami

Word of advice – the T-shirts (particularly the womens) run *very small* — when I put mine on, Daddy was thrilled but I would never go out in it! I know, TMI….

I AM SO SLEEPY, I WAS SO WOUND UP OVER IDOL, AND I COULDN’T GET TO SLEEP. THEN THIS MORNING I WOKE UP AND IT WAS REALLY DARK IN THE HOUSE AND HOT AS HELL, THE POWER WENT OFF. I NEEDED TO WASH MY HAIR AND I PUT MY MAKEUP ON BY CANDLELIGHT. I LOOK LIKE A TRAINWRECK THIS MORNING. I GRABBED THE FIRST THING THAT DIDN’T NEED TO BE IRONED, LUCKILY THAT DOESN’T LOOK TOO BAD, THEN AS I AM LEAVING THE LIGHTS COME ON, TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE HAIR, I LOOK LIKE I WASHED MY HAIR IN CRISCO.

Backstory: My mom’s a Korean immigrant who married an American back in the 1980′s and moved to the States with him.

Dear Bad Daughter,

That’s right. You are bad.

Just kidding. For once you’ve done nothing wrong.

Guess what. Today your Aunt Grace came over with Jon and Dana and you know, every time I see those kids I’m glad I didn’t marry a Korean who looks like Grace. I love Uncle Pete, but his kids will always be ugly. You know Mommy is harsh, so if you were ugly you would know. You girls are so lucky you’re not ugly…I think I’d be a lot sadder all the time.

You know, I wonder if Aunt Grace gets sad when you girls visit her. Oh well – she’s a mean person so maybe she deserves it a little!

Love,
Mommy

I want you to stop hiding your VERY cute butt and start wearing cut-offs and bathing suits to show it off.  Everywhere you look people are talking about “who has the best butt” and the people they are raving about are Beyonce, J Lo, and this Kardashion girl and all of them have nice rounded “bootys’ that are bigger then yours.  Curves are IN, skinny is out and your are hiding yours – dumb.  You would look really good in tight cut-offs and instead you go around in baggy capris that are not near as flattering.  You need to show off your ‘assets’!  I would give a lot to have your butt instead of my flat saggy one, and I would show it off.  You have beautiful legs and you hide them too.  So start wearing shorter skirts instead of those “old lady” ones and flaunt what you are lucky enough to have.  One day it will be gone and then you will HAVE to wear old lady clothes, BUT NOT NOW!!!

There, that is my lecture of the day,
Love you, Mom

When I left here yesterday morning, I thought your dad had put my
overnite bag in the car while I was having breakfast. He didn’t think of it.
It wasn’t until last night that I realized I didn’t have it. That meant no daily medication, and no makeup. Rather than go out totally un-made up, I used a black Sharpie pen for eye liner and shadow, and a red marker for rouge. The ‘shadow’ and ‘rouge’ were each smudged with my mother’s old colagen cream. It worked perfectly!

We finally got your photo proofs back. Well, they’re not all that good. Is that too blunt?? Not nearly as good as those high school graduation pics. There’s one that’s passable, so maybe we’ll get that– but they’re really kind of bad. I’m astonished. They must have used a really bad studio– and your black drape looks way too big for you— making your shoulders look all rounded and it’s kind of falling off of you, so you look like an old frumpy woman- it’s all a little weird. And your hair looks kind of plastered down like it’s all greasy or something. I don’t know, honey. They look pretty bad– and in two, your eyes are shut– and they only sent 4 proofs. How many pics did they take? But the pearls look nice. :)
xoxoxoxooxoxoxox

Ashley,

I have a pimple on my chin WHAT DO I DO??????

Love,
Mom

The belt look should always work for you. Works for me. Our bodies, at least our torsos , are identical….plus or minus 32 years!! Our necks differ (mine long hence the turtle necks, yours shorter hence the v-necks). You got the inches from my neck in your legs.  Luckier than a long skinny neck. Oh well.

Ok so I tried the new self tanner and now am pulling down my pants every 5 minutes to see if I detect any change. I’ll let you know when I have success.

Love you forever.

Just flew to DC today.  Why is it women of a certain age feel compelled to travel in their finest Christmas sweaters and their loviest Santa, tree, or pointsettia ear rings?  If I ever do that, shoot me.

Hi,

I hope you mailed that [Jillian Michaels] dvd, if not please do it ASAP. When I was shopping yesterday the size 4 pants were a little tight. I almost tried on a size 6, then said, HELL NAW! I will do something about my fat ass!

I had a $10 at JCP so just bought a top instead.

Luv ya,
Mom

I am mailing you metro card which i just found which is valid through October 31st.

I also have some underwear that was mid-sized. It was labeled large but was quite tight on me and is probably a medium. I know you like a different style– thong or whatever, but these would probably fit you and are quite stretchy and sheer.

There were three to a package– I only tried on one, and would send the other never-worn two.

I will hold on to them in case you say you absolutely don’t want them.