Dude!! It’s Your Daughter’s Wedding.

Backstory: Ever since I was about 14, I called my Dad “Dod,” because it amused me. It stuck. Anyway, my dad lost a lot of weight recently and he needs a new suit for my wedding.

I told Dod the other night that we need to get him a new suit. He looked at me the way the cat used to when I said, “Um, go do…this.” He was all, “I have a suit.” And I was all, “Yeah, from when you were 45 lbs. heavier.” And he was all, “Don’t I have something from before I got fat??” And I was all, “????????????????????????? Dude!! It’s your daughter’s wedding. You need a new fucking suit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Your Eyebrows Are Finally in Fashion!

Backstory: My mother was talking about renewing health insurance and interjected with this random tangent.

mom: did you notice that your eyebrows have now become fashionable?
me: what’s wrong with my eyebrows?!
mom: nothing.  they are exactly what is in fashion.
you always wanted grandma’s and now yours are in fashion.

Love, Mom