Drunk Doggy Sympathy

Mom: I think your boss is kinda cute
Me: I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that
Mom: Is he married?
Me: You must be drunk
Mom: Getting there
Me: I’d hope so
Mom: It was a fun group shot. You looked cute in a red-neck sort of way
Me: You’re so awesome
Mom: Pretty much. Just ordered another glass of wine. Stay away from the Iowa State Fair grandstand for crying out loud! And where the hell is Aruba? I forgot to take geography in middle school.
Me: You’re frightening me
Mom: I really don’t know where Aruba is.
Me: I don’t either
Mom: Do you have J’s address? I am sending her a doggie sympathy card.
Me: Can I send it later?
Mom: Can I have the damn address?????
Me: Right now? I’m out eating sushi!
Mom: Never mind I’ll google it. Enjoy the raw fish.
Mom: Got it, thanks for nothing.
Me: Why don’t you take a shot, you’re getting hateful
Mom: Done

Your Stubborn Legacy

Backstory: My boss tells me at work one afternoon, “Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re not stubborn.” I e-mailed my mom the boss’ exact quote, knowing she’d love to hear this. This is my mom’s response via e-mail.
No Shit.

You might be stubborn, but I know you came by it honestly.

I imagine there’s more than one teacher who had to hit the bottle after thouroughly explaining to your complete satisfaction whatever the concept being taught that day happened to be. I always got satisfaction from knowing that they were earning every penny they made because, by golly, you made sure you understood what there was to learn. Because of that, my dear, you will always be successful.

If you use it to your advantage , you’ll go far.

I love you


Put On Your Patience Sombrero

Backstory: I recently started a new job and sent my mom an email complaining about my incredibly strange boss.

Ah yes – plays well with others. Much harder as an adult. As I look back at all the freaks I’ve worked with, its definitely better looking back at the situation than being in the middle of it. Put your patience sombrero on and breathe deep. Some people are truly strange and beyond help. I know this is why they made you do group projects in school – to build your frustration tolerance.

Love, Mom