Hand-Me-Down Bras

Mom: Don’t forget to look through your sister’s old bras to see if any fit you. They don’t fit her anymore (since her recent weight gain, ahem) but I figured you could take some.
Me: Looking through right now… Uh these are def too big for me :/
Mom: Well you could always take them anyways just in case.
Me: In case of what?
Mom: I dunno, maybe one day you’ll get a boob job and need some bigger bras.
Me: Are you saying I need a boob job? Gee thanks.
Mom: ya never know

I Just Need Some Support!

Mom: I totally want that new hello bombshell bra from vs!
Me: oh gosh I saw that in the store… it’s like having a small child in your bra..so much padding
Mom: well I just need some support before these suckers go down to my knees!

Unhappy Girls

Backstory: My sister and I had spent the weekend at our Mom’s and we, apparently, both left a bra there.
mom: Did you both leave your bras here to try to tell me something???? :-)
me: I know. I was bugged when I realized I left my favorite bra. Oh well, the girls will have to be unhappy for a while.
mom: Are the girls your body parts?

Thanks for the Boobs!

So I was looking around for a bra to put on under my t-shirt before your cousin Ryan arrives, and found one of yours — padded, no straps.  I’ve been struttin all day!  Much bigger than I’m used to!

How Mom’s Phone Drowned

Hello, sweetie…just thought I’d drop you a line and let you and only you know how my phone drowned. But you can’t tell. I’ve been storing it in my bra as it is a safe and easy reach, and I was outside washing bird poop off my car right before going to the health club, so I stored it in my new “pocket” which happened to be in the bathing suit I had on.. I continued on my way. About 15 minutes into my water aerobics class,I realized, I didn’t leave my phone in the locker room..
What do you think…any chance it will work????
Jeez! It was such a good place too. i was so proud of my discovery! I ws just about to share it with everyone!
Love you!

How to Fit a Bra, Via Warsaw

Backstory: My family is Polish and my mom is currently spending a few months in Warsaw. We email back and forth daily, and the above email came just the other day with the word “cyce” (boobs, in Polish) in the subject heading. I translated this little jewel from Polish for your reading pleasure.

I watched a program about how to select bras. A bra should be sufficiently tight around your bust such that the side panels and metal supports fall under your armpits and don’t bisect your breast, creating folds under your armpits (those folds that frazzle us in dressing rooms). When you put a bra on you should use your hand to scoop up all the excess skin from under your armpits and into the cup of the bra (this is our “lost” bust). Boobs become a size larger and the folds under your armpits disappear. I checked, and all my bras are now too small.


Backstory: My mom e-mailed this to me at 11:30 am, and I believe she gets to work at 8 am.

I just realized that I forgot to put on my bra today. What the…….!

Love, Mom