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Backstory: I’m including the part about my cats to show that my mom had NO CONTEXT WHATSOEVER for her comments about roombas.
Me: the cats the caaaats
so cute.
Mom: so sweet.
I don’t understand roomba s
HOW DO THEY WORK??
HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THEY WORK?
And don’t just bump around your furniture in a useless way?
are they just a big fucking practical joke??
Me: i don’t think they work
Backstory: My parents were getting ready for a funeral where my dad (being a Scotsman) had decided to wear his kilt. They also have 5 cats.
your father is driving me mad. Cannot find tie- in wardrobe on tie rack. Cannot find sporran and socks- in sporran and sock drawer. Cannot find shoes- in corner beside his side of the bed. Additionally found long dead bird in shoe. Aaaargg.
The cats respected the closed door last night, but when I came out they were all hovering around like Born-Agains awaiting Jesus.
Backstory: Oreo is the 17-year-old cat that owns my parents. And she did indeed send a picture, and it’s Oreo sitting on their bed, wearing her latest big blue post-surgery collar.
Mom: you should hear the discussion dad and oreo are having right now.
we’re in bed and she just came in, went straight to dad’s side of the bed and started talking to him
Me: awwwww
Mom: he replied,’i;m not feeding you anymore tonight.’ and she answered and now they’re going back and forth
Me: how long can they keep this up?
Mom: longer than you’d think! just sent you a pix
Backstory: I am upstairs in my bedroom, and my mom is downstairs and decides to message me over Facebook…
Mom: Get down here and check out your cat. He’s dragging the treat bag around trying to get into it.
Mom: Just take it away from him and tell him to stop being stupid.
Mom: He keeps dragging it off the table.
Me: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Mom: I think he’s looking for munchies. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do when you’re high?
Backstory: Jinx is my cat. The subject for this email was entitled BALLS.
Is Jinx allowed to have any balls with jingle bells inside them? Hee hee.
xo
Backstory: Mum likes to keep me updated on the cats while I’m at uni.
I gave them your message and Bubbles just looked at me, like – you cow, what have you done to my mummy? Squeek seemed to understand but still looked a bit sad, so I gave them some ham and now they both love me more than you so you don’t need to worry about them now because they have forgotten you. They are now ham junkies and I am their dealer.
You think you’re depressed? Did you hear the news about Uncle John’s cat Blackie? He is really depressed – the cat died in the middle of the night and John had to put him in the freezer until he could take him to pet heaven at lunch….this is your family honey…
Me: Thanks for giving my little furry baby a present!
Mom: No trouble at all! Now hurry up and give me a REAL baby!
DO NOT GET A CAT…I’VE HAD IT WITH ALL FUCKEN CATS… EVER TRY AND GIVE A CAT A PILL?… IT SUCKS AND YOUR DAD DOESN’T HELP! I CAN HARDLY WAIT TILL ALL OF THESE MOTHER FUCKERS DIE AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE.
SORRY, I JUST HAD TO VENT… YOUR BROTHER WENT OUT. MOM
Look for the funny kitties on the Engineers Guide to Cats on the MSN home page. Fleas! You’re coming to see us soon. Yay!!!!!! XXXXOOOO
