Cell Phone Paranoia

Just saw on cnn site that (lots of?) exposure to cell phones before and after birth is not so good for children.
(Behavior problems?)  Probably computers too.  Yikes!  So much to think about.  And it’s really impossible to avoid it.  It’s good that you like to cook, read, watch movies, and go for walks. (Walk with a friend, stay near home, and don’t go after dark…you would need your cell phone then…well, you may need it most of the time when you walk anyway.)  It’s good you don’t walk around with it attached to your belt all the time!  I wonder about those new “Kindle” readers.  I’m sticking with books and paperbacks!
Love you!

There’s an App for THAT?!

Backstory: Mom was trying to learn how to use her new Droid.

Did you know that people are doing sex on their apps?

Having Technical Difficulties

Mom: Do you know if this blackberry phone you were using has a setting where it will keep beeping if you missed a call or message?  Also what exactly does sms and mms stand for??? I think I have it just about all figured out except for that!

Me: SMS – Short Message (texts) / MMS – Multimedia Messages (pics and videos)

Mom: Ohhhh…what about my first question – can I set it up to alert me that I missed a call?

Me: I don’t think so.  The little light will blink red when you miss a call, text or email.  You’ll have to check the screen.  Your Motorola Razor is the only phone that did that…people hated it, so most of the other companies got rid of that feature.

Mom: Okay, you young guns know it all in the techno world. You are soooo funny and predictable – I just got done asking the other 26 year old that works here the same question and she gave me the SAME answer!!!

Me: “young guns” “techno world” Mom, really? You’re a computer teacher.

He Was Being So Damned Chipper

Backstory: My mom and I are on a family plan, and are shuffling around the accounts a bit for boring reasons. My grandmother is not dead.

Mom: I just cancelled the -1043 phone, and the guy asked me in such a chipper voice why I was doing that (“what’s going on?”) that I told him it was because my mother died.
Do you think God will strike her dead? or strike me dead?
Me: whoa
Me: why’d you say that??
Mom: I don’t know.  He was being so damned chipper
Me: wow
Me: weird, mom
Mom: yeah, maybe

Cell Phones 101

Mom: Hey, can you call me on my cell phone? I set the ringer to vibrate and I need to make sure I did it right. I’m getting ready to go in somewhere and I don’t want it to ring if someone calls me.
Me: (snicker) OK.
[Called Mom’s phone]
Me: Did it ring or vibrate?
Mom: It rang AND vibrated.
Me: It did? What are you going to do??
Mom: I don’t know. I don’t want anyone to hear it.
Me: Use the volume buttons on the side of the phone. There should be a button with up & down arrows on the side. Use that to set the ringer. Look at the display and set it to “Vibrate Only.”
Mom: Oh, I thought I had to go into Tools.
Me: No.
Mom: Okay.
Me: Did you set it to vibrate?
Mom: Yeah but I can’t hear it very well.
Me: Sigh.

Thanks, Women’s Assertiveness Training

My phone is working! Two trucks came to fix it….which proves “those who yell the loudest are heard”…or something like that. ha Thanks to my women’s assertiveness training, I got results rather rapidly, according to others in town who have had trouble.
Just thought you’d want to know….yeah…as if….
love you all,

Making Calls from the Great Beyond

Mom: So L* and I were talking this past Sunday and we both decided that we want to be buried with a fully charged cell phone, just incase we need to phone ahead for reservations to Heaven or if we get lost and require directions…..Or worse yet if we forgot to give our offspring one final bit of info….LOL
Me: Oh lord, you’re going to haunt me from the grave?!
Mom: Only if you dress me funny….
Me: Bahahaha
Mom: I remember what you said @ that hat shop downtown in Chicago…
Me: Which was?
Mom: That I’d be dressed funny if I didn’t behave….
Me: Hehe. well…then you should just behave, huh? ;)
Mom: I behave most of the time, if I don’t I have fun…then I pray and repent….

How Mom’s Phone Drowned

Hello, sweetie…just thought I’d drop you a line and let you and only you know how my phone drowned. But you can’t tell. I’ve been storing it in my bra as it is a safe and easy reach, and I was outside washing bird poop off my car right before going to the health club, so I stored it in my new “pocket” which happened to be in the bathing suit I had on.. I continued on my way. About 15 minutes into my water aerobics class,I realized, I didn’t leave my phone in the locker room..
What do you think…any chance it will work????
Jeez! It was such a good place too. i was so proud of my discovery! I ws just about to share it with everyone!
Love you!

Drunken Cell Phone Promises

Me: find out how much it is to break the cell phone contract and maybe i can pay for half
Mom: gee when you were drunk, you said you’d pay all of it.
Mom: so we’ll just get you liquored up and whip out your checkbook.
Me: shit
Mom: yeah, that too.

Why You Need Your Own Phone

me: Hi mom, we’re on our way to dinner with some friends. I just wanted to let you know that my phone is almost dead, so if you can’t get ahold of me on it later, don’t worry.

mom: What, who is we? Why isn’t it charged?

me: We is me and [my husband], so if you need me, call me on his.

mom: Well that makes it a little bit better. I thought that maybe you were out with random friends.

me: Still though, I could always borrow their phones if I needed to. It’s not a big deal.

mom: ….Well ya, but if you get thrown into a trunk later tonight, wouldn’t it just be nicer to have your own phone?

Nobody Puts Momma To Voicemail

Jennifer, this is your mother, what the hell is going on since when do you put me to voicemail???????? WHAT ARE YOU DOING????? Call me.

Cell Phone’s in the Microwave

Just a little moment for your father.

This morning he left me a message that my cell phone was in the
microwave.  My first thought this morning was what the heck did I drink
at Auntie Mary Ann’s, but I did not drink that much because I had things
to do and wanted to watch Desperate House Wives.

He put it in the microwave so he would not have to listen to it beep!!!
Not sure why he just did not plug it in for me. He does have a head
cold, that could explain it.

Love, Mom