Backstory: Jinx is my cat. The subject for this email was entitled BALLS.

Is Jinx allowed to have any balls with jingle bells inside them? Hee hee.

xo

Dad wanted to set up the new tv…which is pretty cool.  Anyway, in his hurry to get rid of the tree, after he removed the lights, he opened the back door and threw it out.  We look so ghetto!

Also, I’m trying to talk Dana into talking her friend into putting the old tv in the back of her pickup truck with the hope being that someone will steal it.  Sadly, both Dana and Dad don’t want to do it.  Mom

Backstory: I asked for a PostSecret book for Christmas.

Watch out for posting “secrets” on the Web! Everyone knows the secret immediately and it’s not as anonymous as you think–even I could figure out the sender in 10 mins! remeber My Space teacher who posted the best part about teaching is Jul and Aug and now has no job! Also, EVERY mark on a computer can be traced and everyone knows who reads these secrets. THINK ABOUT it!
Love
Moma

…complete with a middle eastern virgin and a middle aged man (who has no memory or knowledge of how his virgin wife became pregnant), animals that gravitate to human babies in mangers.(aren’t mangers what barn animals eat out of?? maybe they want to eat baby Jesus?)..Sounds like Sci-Fi to me..oh gosh darn i feel so sacrilegious!!

Just a few more hours.  Think about next week and the fun food and prezzies at my hizzy!!!

HAHAHA.  DAD PUT UP HALF THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE….BY THE GARAGE WITH ICECICLE LIGHTS AND THE OTHER HALF WITH STRAIGHT LINE LIGHTS.
hE INSISTED THEY WERE FINE….I KNEW DIFFERENT BUT HE REFUSED TO GO OUT AND BUY MORE LIGHTS.  ONE MORNING AS I WAS GETTING IN THE CAR 2 OLD NEARLY BLIND WOMEN WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET AND THEY SAID “EXCUSE ME BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR LIGHTS DON’T MATCH?  HALF IS ICECICLE AND HALF IS NOT?”  I SAID I HADN’T NOTICED BECAUSE MY HUSBAND PUT THEM UP AND I HADN’T BEEN OUT TO LOOK AT NIGHT, BUT HEY, THANK YOU!”
THEY ARE NOW ALL STRAIGHT LINE LIGHTS.  FREAK…CHEAP FREAK

Well, it just wouldn’t be Christmas without Aunt Sue either taking “shots” or criticizing people…..spread the joy!!!

Hi Daughters:

Please forward any family pics you have that make me look like a good Mama. I need them for Match.com!

Meggers: especially last years bowling bonanza when I was buff.

Thanks girls. Mama is doing her best to find you a new Daddy before Christmas.

XOXO

PS.
(I crack myself up)

When you stop believing in Santa you get underwear & socks.   And when you don’t give your Mom birthday gift ideas you get something she thinks you need.  (And she will need to send it soon)

If you don’t respond to Gma about what you want for Christmas, she’s going to get a tshirt made for you that says “Shit Happens.”

Backstory: please note: my mom is NOT a psychologist, counselor, or anything of the like that would warrant her holding some kind of ‘seminar’ for us.

I have an idea for a communications/empathy seminar for the 2 of us ([your husband] could be there too)  that would take maybe half an hour if you’re interested.

I think I’ll get the tree the 6th or 7th.

Thanks for the baby doodads.

l,
M

Backstory: I asked my mom what she wanted for Christmas.

WII not sure how to spell it but it sounds like “WEE.”  It sounds so cool with exercise and sports games to use and move your body to.

I am hoping that Santa will bring me a new black Coach purse, some Chanel perfume and a framed picture of President Obama that grace the walls of our new space.  Nothing too large, just a normal 8×10 in a tasteful traditional frame.

the request is historical.  After JFK Jr was elected President almost every Irish Catholic family had a framed pic of him adorning a wall in their home.  As I have mystery genes [backstory: mom was adopted], I could be African American and for that fact alone I’d like to have a pic of my ‘bro on the wall.  Plus it will bug the sh*t out of most of my friends!!