Surprising Found Objects


How goes it?  I spent an hour or so cleaning up your room.  You have to turn over a new leaf when you get back.  We’re going to get rid of some clothes you don’t wear and even look at the books.  You’ll feel good when you’re better organized, and it won’t be a big deal.

Anyway, I found a wallet with a driver’s license, etc.  Don’t you need it?
Would you like me to send you the articles on your desk that you probably didn’t have time to read when you were home?
Do you have a mailing address?
You had a role of undeveloped film, so we’re having it developed.
I’m throwing out the dildo (or however you spell it).  Not funny or cute, in my opinion.
Would you like your Appalachian trail certificate framed?  If so, with our without the badges?
Did you realize that we bought you that clock (in Germany)?  You never said anything.
Are all the arrows usable?  I guess you’ll have to sort them out yourself.
You have tons of shoes now, by the way.

Can’t Clean Without the Queen

Hi honey,
Well we need to go shopping for a new Aretha cd. To get myself in the cleaning mode, I always put her on and now she skips. How do I clean without the queen?

Got us crab legs and sparking wine for dinner tomorrow nite. mmmm

See you in the am.

love, love

Diabolical Looking Elves

Just started going through the Christmas stuff from Papa’s house. Unless one of you wants any of them, (speak now or forever hold your peace!) I plan to toss the following:

plastic holly with that distinct plastic aroma including a large holly “kissing ball”
diabolical looking scampering plastic elves in the holly
red/white/green crocheted wreaths (for elves to perch on when they’re not scampering?)
enormous K-Mart red velvet bows for instant decorating!

Papa had several strings of clear mini-bulbs which I can use outside (unless someone wants them. I also have strings of multi-colored bulbs from my “old” tree which you are welcome to.) I found this pretty funny, Papa kept the boxes that all the lights came in and since there was no way they’d ever fit back inside, he wrapped the strands around the outside of each box. I can’t decide if that’s inspired or just quirky.

Your “Good Graces”

Backstory: I e-mailed my mom asking her for motherly advise on how to get my boyfriend to help me clean up around our apartment.

Ok so this is advise from your friend and not your mother. You have to make him understand that you are not his mother. You can suggest that if he would like to continue to be in you good graces….ie your pants that he remembers you arent the maid or the cook. Good luck.

Mom vs. the Vacuum, Round 1

Ali asked us over for a BBQ on Monday at 1. Will you be coming?
Also do you want me to go with you to taste the cakes tomorrow? I didn’t know if you would be deciding and needing to pay a deposit or what.

Walmart only had ink jet labels.

Did the invitations come? How do they look?

I was just vacuuming the basement stairs and the vacuum fell down the stairs and hit me in the head.

Mom (I think) I’m a little confused. I’m not sure how much momentum the vacuum cleaner had going but it was a pretty good hit.

Computers vs. Cleaning: Who Wins?

Backstory: My mom and I started fighting when I got frustrated with her THIRD inquiry this week about attaching files to emails. I sent her a message detailing the steps in doing this, and also advised her to start retaining information about the internet, computer, etc. I mentioned that she’d be around for another 50 years and better get used to technology.

You know what, here’s what we’ll do. When you get so frustrated about my computer literacy, just remember how I feel when you can’t remember to make your bed, hang clothes, wipe off the sink, clean the toilet and empty trashcans. I keep telling you to learn how to do that but you don’t because it is not important to you. So I go after you and clean it up. You can show me how to do computer stuff when I need it. It’s all common sense, right, cleaning up after yourself and using the computer? Cleaning is going to be around for the next 100 years and you just can’t say, “I don’t have time to do this, I’ll do it next month.”

When your kids’ friends come over and say your house is a pigsty, (like your brother told Ms. S when he was little), you can remember this little chat we’ve had today and really get a big kick out of it! Cleaning has been around for longer than computers and has proven to be effective in making people happy and keeping them healthy. Cleanliness is a VIRTUE! Windex and 409 are very user friendly and come with instructions.

So pick up a bottle of cleaner and really try it out in several locations. You’ll really like the feeling of being neat and clean once you get used to it. Have a FANTASTIC afternoon. I have to go do the stuff that keeps me distracted, like wait in line for a grumpy 15 year old, pick up Dad’s pants for the third time, get his secretaries flowers for some reason…etc.

Love, Mama

Spring Cleaning?

Mom: 890-
Me: ?

Love, Mom