The Case of the Top Turned Ugly

I wore this top yesterday with my very cute brown capris. I’ve worn this top several times before but yesterday I decided it was really ugly. Why does this happen? Does something happen to clothes while they are hanging in the closet? Something to ponder…

Pants Retirement

You are invited to a retirement party for the pants I am wearing today – so out of date! OY – that’s when wearing a lab coat comes in handy.

See you later. xoo

Hey There Hoochie Mama

Backstory: I sent my mom a picture of the dress I was interested in getting for my friend’s wedding. She had offered to buy it for me as my birthday gift.

Me: hey, here’s the dress i was telling you about!

Mom: Hi Sweetheart, wow! kind of ‘whochimama’ look! I looked on the website but couldn’t
find it to buy it on line. Can you tell me how to get to it?

Me: oh mom, you’re funny. do you know that hoochie mama means great big slut? :)

Mom: OH MY GOD!!! no, I thought it meant hot and sexy!

That Could Lead to Quite a Show

Backstory: I was going to a wedding and couldn’t decide what dress to wear. Fortunately, my mother had a few sound words of advice…

Dear J,
I really liked the dress you bought yesterday. The fit was terrific. However, before you wear it, please try it on during the day for H to make sure it isn’t too see through. One more thing – if you decide to use pantyhose without underpants – be careful not to catch the bouquet because the guy who catches the garter will have to put the garter on your leg while you are sitting down. That could lead to quite a show.

Have fun!


Gym Outfit Mixup

the other day I accidently grabbed one of Maggie’s [my sister] sneakers and one of mine and didn’t realize it until I was already changed, etc…so I thought…what the hell…I’m already here and no one will notice so I got on the lifecycle in a size 9.5 gray sneaker with the neon green Nike swoosh and a grey size 7 sneaker with a bright pink NB (new balance) emblem and along comes two people from another office and they stop by and say hello…(I also had on one of Maggie’s T-shirts…huge paw print on the back which was too small and would not, for the life of me, go over my hips)…are you getting the picture…I should have hung my head and ran for the locker room…instead I just acted as if it was a perfectly normal workout outfit and I was a perfectly normal exerciser…I think I saw a group of ‘mean girls’ making fun of me over by the treadmills…however, I will not get discouraged…and I promise never to give my real name.

Peace out,

Jacket vs. Ski Mask

The goosedown ones are still expensive but what better way to spend some of that money you must be earning with those long hours you’re putting in. The memory of shivering on NYC street corners when I was your age still sears. It sickens me to think of you in this weather in that little tweed coat. Act now before they disappear. xx Mom

Me: I’m not making overtime. I’m wearing my green down jacket from high school.

Mom: It’s not long enough. It doesn’t cover your bum. I have the red one Maisie got in junior high for her ski trip. Would you be willing to wear it? What about my mink-lined raincoat? You could belt it.

Me: Um…no. Anyway, my butt isn’t cold. It’s my face that’s the problem.

Mom: Okay, so freeze. What about one of those ski masks for robbing banks, with just holes for the eyes, nose and mouth? I could pick one up at Jiminy Peak.

Our Necks Differ

The belt look should always work for you. Works for me. Our bodies, at least our torsos , are identical….plus or minus 32 years!! Our necks differ (mine long hence the turtle necks, yours shorter hence the v-necks). You got the inches from my neck in your legs.  Luckier than a long skinny neck. Oh well.

Panties And Subways

I am mailing you metro card which i just found which is valid through October 31st.

I also have some underwear that was mid-sized. It was labeled large but was quite tight on me and is probably a medium. I know you like a different style– thong or whatever, but these would probably fit you and are quite stretchy and sheer.

There were three to a package– I only tried on one, and would send the other never-worn two.

I will hold on to them in case you say you absolutely don’t want them.

Love, Mom