How to Make a Match
Hi honey,
1. Do you have the first Barefoot Contessa Cookbook?
2. If a guy from Match wants to talk to me, do I give him my cell phone number or land line? Or what?
Love you!
Mom
Dept. of Useless Kitchen Gadgetry
Backstory: My mom is addicted to the Shopping Channel.
Mom: Hey guess what I bought? These gloves that, when you wash a potato while wearing them, they scrub the potato skin off for you! Neat!
Me: Mum, you like potatoes with the skins on. You always go on about how the only healthy part of a potato is the skin.
Mom: OMG you’re right! What have I done!
Boyfriend Will Need Depends
You know, I hooked your dad by being able to cook so well.
Yes, only a fool would think you are not capable of flapjacks….what will he do if you makes those lucious blackberry blondies…pee his pants? Become the Jizz-Master of all time? Maybe he needs Depends or something if you continue to cook for him. :)
Sour Apples
Me: We went apple picking with the boys this weekend. So you’ll have to eat apples when you come up this week.
Mom: I’m not eating any sour ones.
Me: Why would we pick sour ones?
Mom: I don’t know. But I’m not eating any.
Me: There aren’t any sour ones. Why would we buy them if they were sour?
Mom: You know, they have those really tart ones for cooking.
Me: What, do you think I’m going to bake you a pie or something this week?
Mom: Well, no.
Me: So
(no response from Mom for a couple minutes)
Me: Never mind
(still no response)
Me: Mom, I promise not to make you eat any apples.
Mom: Ok. See you Tuesday! Love you!
Urgent Cheesecake Question
how long do you bake cheesecake? 30 mins or 1 1/2 hours?
I need to know in 10 minutes.
if you don’t answer me soon I will call you
help
me
now
please
hello????????????????
How many “F” words did you use?
Hi Pumpkin,
Aunt Phyl called me last night. She & Uncle Randy were in Lebanon cleaning out Helen’s place. Aunt Phyl wanted to know if you want any of the following:
Cup cake tin(s)
Casserole dishes with lids
Pie plates
Deviled egg plate
Stainless steel sandwich maker
Rectangular glass cake pan with lid, and canvas carry holder. You can carry hot or cold items in it.
Cake pans
How many “F” words did you use during the Red Sox game? So sorry to hear they lost.
Daddy told me to tell you he said hi and hope you’re not in jail.
Love,
Mom
Paging Rachael Ray
Backstory: My mom sent me this in an email after a weekend of not so great cooking.
I have decided to boycott the kitchen for a while since my cooking skills (and level of interest in it) have both disappeared like that stimulas package we were suppose to receive. Between the failed crabmeat au gratin, burnt & greasy fried chicken, over cooked squash, I’m done for a while. Did manage to come thru on the milk gravy but now you know how to fix it. Cans of soup & PB&J all sound just fine to me. See you Friday, mom
Not Momma’s Recipe
Backstory: I made pasta at home today and sent my family a picture of it. I thought it looked good.
Did someone barf on the stove?
Love,
Amma
ULTIMATE PARTY (meatballs)
Hi,
I was on the oceanspray.com/recipes website to look for an appetizer meatball recipe which I had seen in a magazine and I thought it looked good.
It’s called Ultimate party meatballs
2 1-pound bags of frozen pre-cooked cocktail-size meatballs (about64)
1 16-oonce can Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce
1 12- ounce bottle Heinz Chili sauce.
Combine cranberry sauce and chili sauce in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat stirring until smooth.
Add meatballs, stir gently to coat. Cook 12-15 minutes. Place in slow cooker to keep warm.
Love and hugs,
Mom
