Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit!!

I just had to write to you.  Just go ahead and butter my butt and call me a biscuit!!  Guess who was arrested and taken into custody for attempting to solicit someone to kill his wife?  The Popo have him.  Mike Y!!!  Remember him.  Of eyeglass fame and tattoo parlors?  And flashy suits?

His wife is shocked, and in despair the (the news) people are saying.  She had not idea.   Supposedly, they are separated and waiting for a divorce and he ups and tries to have her killed for $10,000.  And, when they asked him what he wanted to say to his customers he said, Well, stick by me!!!  I guess we’ll have to wait for the outcome.  You just never know.

Catherine, I’m sorry about the typos.  But, I’m a little tired and I’m sewing and Daddy keeps walking through the house with his guns which he says need cleaning.  He does this every Sat. night and how dirty can they get in a weeks time?  Like, I said, you never know………Mom/Nana

Mom’s Secret Criminal Past

Mom: Ugh I hate this song and its like the 5th time I’ve heard it this week! I wish we had better reception at work.

Me: What song?

Mom:
It’s old, you wouldn’t know it.  It’s called Downtown, they used to play it constantly when I was in Juvi.

Me: Excuse me? Juvi?  As in Juvi Hall for bad kids??

Mom: I told you about that didn’t I?  How a few friends and me stole a car when we were 16 and drove to California and got arrested. Grandma made me stay for 2 weeks to teach me a lesson.

Me: Definitley not, I feel like I would have used that for reasoning to do alot worse things as a teenager.

Involved with the Police Department

Backstory: My youngest sister’s looking for a new job, and my mom wrote this in response to her e-mail telling her she was applying for a job as a case manager.

YOU CAN MENTION IN THE COVER LETTER THAT YOUR FAMILY IS VERY INVOLVED WITH THE POLICE DEPARTMENT. YOUR COUSIN BECKY IS A CRIMINALIST AND YOUR UNCLE BOB WAS ARRESTED SEVERAL TIMES.

Hatchet Job

Backstory: Our neighborhood was recently targeted by thieves. After a couple of break-ins, my mom (who lives alone) bought a battery-operated motion detector to put by the back door.

The motion detector went off last night around 3 am. It was the loudest thing, scared me to death. I woke up and quickly realized I didn’t have a plan. I never thought about what I would do if the stupid thing went off!

So, I grabbed the old boyscout hatchet you always make fun of and went out to the landing. I waited and I didn’t hear anything. I held up the hatchet and yelled down the stairs, “I HAVE A GUN MOTHERFUCKER!!!” I didn’t hear anything.

I stood there quietly in the dark for a good thirty minutes. Finally I went downstairs, one step at a time, only to find that the goddamn thing was just out of batteries.

Guess I’ll go ahead and get that gun.

Sex Offender Registry FYI

Did you see how many sex offenders are living near you? And, why do so many of them share the same address? Are they just using an address as a registered address and floating around in society somewhere?

Okay, going to town.

Love, Mom



Love, Mom