There’s No Such Thing As Just Enjoying Pizza

mom: What are you doing today/tonight?
me: I am going to emily’s for domino’s night
mom: Are you playing regular old dominoes?
me: no, we’re ordering regular old domino’s PIZZA
mom: oh….that company who hates anyone but catholic conservatives etc.
me: oh geez
let me have my pizza!
mom: I hate dominos and I would never eat it. I mean he is anti everything liberal..Catholic radio station, that king of kings church on his property, the convent! The strict catholic school. He even has his own village in Florida. I would GAG on that pizza…positively gag? Have you ever heard of Gino’s?
me: yes, but domino’s is cheap
mom: Thin crust?
me: I just want to eat my friday night pizza!!
mom: Here I thought you were playing dominoes. Which also would have been weird
me: I didn’t realize I was such a pizza disappointment. I’ll hate myself a little more with every bite
mom: oh good. I did my job

Love, Mom