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Jug o’ Sangria

Backstory: From my mother, who is in Texas taking care of my brother’s kids while they are away.

i am so excited – i just got back from the grocery store -where they also sell beer & wine -  and i found our favorite Re’al San Gria so I bought the 1.5 liter jug and some limes, lemons and oranges – i will get through this 100* texas weather yet!

i am off to school to support *** during his end of year awards ceremony – it better be in ac

Are You Really My Daughter?

Backstory: I wrote an email to my mom telling her I was hungover Monday after staying out late on Superbowl Sunday. I said, “I guess I’m just too old to go out on Sunday nights!”

Too old to go out on Sunday night?   Need 8+ hours of sleep? Exercise?  Eat Healthy?  WHERE IN GOD’S NAME DID I GET YOU??????????  HAHAHA

I’m Still Loopy

Mom: I had ome margarita 5 hours ago and I am still loopy.
Me: One, huh?
Mom: Well I tried to spell it, but I am also tanked on Ambien so goodnight, smart ass.
Me: TANKED! HA!
Mom: A mother on Ambien is altogether different than a mother. With that said, I am retiring to my bedchambers. Unfortunately McSteamy will not be joining.

Snowed in at the Bar

Me: Why are you @ the bar?  Isn’t it snowing?
Mom: I’m here for the nite!
Me: You’re at the bar for the night?  like snowed in?
Mom: havin a burger a brew n a ball – shveaty ball

When You Google Your Kids

Mom: Hey not to sound creepy but I googled your sister
Me: Ummmm…okay
Mom: Have you seen her latest facebook picture?
Me: yeah
Mom: What exactly is she doing?
Me: It’s called a beer bong
Mom: Oh THANK GOD!  I was worried that she might be doing drugs
Me: christ

New Rules for Sunday Dinner

Backstory: We have been eating dinner at my parent’s house every Sunday since my sister and I moved out.

Thanks for the soup recipe K, It sound delicious!
This brings me to the next topic, Sunday dinner.
Lately it exhausts me to cook Sunday dinner, sooooo I have decided that it will become one pot Sunday dinner and everyone will take a turn.  We will have dinners that take only one or two pots to make, like spaghetti, redbeans, soup, stew, etc.  Put your recipe thinking caps on girls and get ready to cook. Next Sunday is J’s turn! K, you get dessert. I get the day off, however I will buy ingredients but you need to get me a list by Saturdays at noon. And I will have the booze. HAhaha
Happy searching
Love, Mom

Best Depression Cures: Food and Wine?

Backstory: I emailed my mom about my suspected seasonal affected disorder in Minnesota winter and how I was having trouble finding a therapist who was taking patients.

Depression seems to run in my family. Both my mom and I have had bouts of it. I was a bit unhappy at the holidays and have managed to pull out of it. Your uncle sent your father a case of merlot, so that always helps me. Is it the job situation? I have ordered a honey baked ham to be sent to your apartment, so keep an eye out. That should help you feel better!

Keep trying to find a therapist.

Best regards,
Paula

Booze Face

me: OMG!!! MOM!!! My dermatologist said my pimpleface is from hormones and TOO MUCH BOOZING!!!!

mom: gives a new meaning to booze face.

We DID shower and change

Sleeping in one’s clothes is often the best indicator of having a wild night. When we woke up in Chicago, at S’s apt, on Sun, I noted that all of us still had our original clothes on. We DID shower and change before going out but oftentimes I do wonder why we bother packing other clothes for our weekends.

What’s Up With This Swine Flu??

We can talk tomorrow….sorry I was a little down….I’m sure tomorrow will be better. And what’s up with this swine flu?? It should be the WINE flu and we could all drink to it!!!

xoxo Love you much,
Mom

How Dad Enjoys Life

Dad got the OK from the doctor yesterday, everything is perfect and he told him to go enjoy life. Which he already does with drinking and smoking and gambling. Did I miss anything?

You Could Even Pass Out!

You know…food, drink, play…at our house. Did you have something else in mind? You could tell me what you want for food and a birthday dessert and I’d make you bloody marys or whatever. You could pass out and I wouldn’t let anyone take your picture and post it on the internet.

Where Should Dad Pee? In the Trash, Of Course

Backstory: My dad doesn’t often drink… cb is my brother.

Mom: i am so ahhhhh
Mom: your father just peed in the trash can
Me: HWAT?!
Mom: yeah cb screamed what are you doing and he said ive got to go
Me: why a TRASH CAN?!!
Mom: it was close
Me: so are BATHROOMS
Mom: but it wasnt totally empty
Me: why IN A TRASH CAN WHAT THE HECK
Mom: he said he didnt know what time it was
Me: iosfadsgidfsgjkf what does that have to do with ANYTHING
Mom: too many drinks at los cabos
Me: clearly
Me: wow
Mom: demon rum
Mom: well at least he got up and didnt do it in the chair while he sat there

(no guilt here)

I am scheduled to donate platelets on 8/8 and would like to bring you with me to also make a donation. They need whole blood and platelets. Do you know your blood type? That may determine what you donate.

Nothing is set in concrete so if you really don’t want to go with me, that’s fine. Just think about the mitzvah you would be doing by saving a life (no guilt here). I feel so fortunate and blessed to have 3 healthy children and not everyone is as fortunate as I am.

Let me know ASAP please. The appointments are in the morning so you would have the whole day free.

(I said I would go)

I’ll pick you up at 7:30. I’m so glad you are doing this with me. You can’t take aspirin 3 days prior and you need to drink lots (not alcohol!) before so your veins are nice and plump. They have told me it’s good to eat protein before so if you want to come the night before I’ll cook us steaks!

Conception Calculations

Backstory: My parents were engaged through their senior year of college, and got married the June right after graduation. I was born the following January, and turned out to be quite the partier.

So there is this calculator that determines when you were conceived.  Jacqui was conceived on 4-9-84, Justine was conceived
12-10-85 and Craig was conceived 10-7-89.  Wow Jac I was really drinking in April thank God you are normal!!!!!!!!

Dad’s Away, Mom Will Play

Finally, it’s Friday and Dave went to NY state for a Harley rendezvous, so me and my pal Mikki are gonna have a few drinks. I’d like to invite Johnny Depp but I think he’s unavailable!

If You Like Penis Coladas…

Backstory: I was bartending at the time.

me: i have to get ready for work now
mom: make lots of penis collattas
mom: love momy
me: you’re a freak

That’s my girl!

me: This job is just awful. And I can’t manage to meet my quota for the life of me.
mom:Quit. Then include it in your blog–another miserable day temping.
me: Okay. I should be more optimistic. But I hate harassing people on the phone.
mom: There really is no upside to it. It’s appropriate to be pessimistic. It’s not going to get better!
me: Wise words mom, wise words.
mom: Are you finished work? Are you drinking?
me: No, but maybe I should take some shots before going in tomorrow morning.
mom: That’s my girl!

Diet Margaritas: A Mom Ahead of Her Time

Just a reminder on how ahead of my time I am…
I was watching Letterman last night and Anne Hathaway was on, and she was talking about how Kate Hudson taught her about ‘diet margaritas’. You mix tequila, grand mariner, a little soda, and you queeze in a few lime slices. How long have I been drinking that?!?! For like ever!!

Secret Santa Season

in college one year, when we had Secret Angels, everybody was getting little gifts and I got weird things like EMPTY liquor bottles. I got the Alcoholic Angel.



Love, Mom