(no guilt here)

I am scheduled to donate platelets on 8/8 and would like to bring you with me to also make a donation. They need whole blood and platelets. Do you know your blood type? That may determine what you donate.

Nothing is set in concrete so if you really don’t want to go with me, that’s fine. Just think about the mitzvah you would be doing by saving a life (no guilt here). I feel so fortunate and blessed to have 3 healthy children and not everyone is as fortunate as I am.

Let me know ASAP please. The appointments are in the morning so you would have the whole day free.

(I said I would go)

I’ll pick you up at 7:30. I’m so glad you are doing this with me. You can’t take aspirin 3 days prior and you need to drink lots (not alcohol!) before so your veins are nice and plump. They have told me it’s good to eat protein before so if you want to come the night before I’ll cook us steaks!

Conception Calculations

Backstory: My parents were engaged through their senior year of college, and got married the June right after graduation. I was born the following January, and turned out to be quite the partier.

So there is this calculator that determines when you were conceived.  Jacqui was conceived on 4-9-84, Justine was conceived
12-10-85 and Craig was conceived 10-7-89.  Wow Jac I was really drinking in April thank God you are normal!!!!!!!!

Dad’s Away, Mom Will Play

Finally, it’s Friday and Dave went to NY state for a Harley rendezvous, so me and my pal Mikki are gonna have a few drinks. I’d like to invite Johnny Depp but I think he’s unavailable!

If You Like Penis Coladas…

Backstory: I was bartending at the time.

me: i have to get ready for work now
mom: make lots of penis collattas
mom: love momy
me: you’re a freak

That’s my girl!

me: This job is just awful. And I can’t manage to meet my quota for the life of me.
mom:Quit. Then include it in your blog–another miserable day temping.
me: Okay. I should be more optimistic. But I hate harassing people on the phone.
mom: There really is no upside to it. It’s appropriate to be pessimistic. It’s not going to get better!
me: Wise words mom, wise words.
mom: Are you finished work? Are you drinking?
me: No, but maybe I should take some shots before going in tomorrow morning.
mom: That’s my girl!

Diet Margaritas: A Mom Ahead of Her Time

Just a reminder on how ahead of my time I am…
I was watching Letterman last night and Anne Hathaway was on, and she was talking about how Kate Hudson taught her about ‘diet margaritas’. You mix tequila, grand mariner, a little soda, and you queeze in a few lime slices. How long have I been drinking that?!?! For like ever!!

Secret Santa Season

in college one year, when we had Secret Angels, everybody was getting little gifts and I got weird things like EMPTY liquor bottles. I got the Alcoholic Angel.

Mom Hearts Sailors

Me: So I got kinda drunk last night.

Mom: Oh yea? What did it take you, one or two drinks?

Me: No, I can drink more now that I’m off that medicine.

Mom: Oh so you can drink like a sailor again?

Me: Yea

Mom: Well that’s good

Travel Plans, Liquor Included

Backstory: My family’s own version of The Grown Ass Woman’s Club is coming to visit me in Chicago.

So are you ready?  Do you have your medications all in line??  We are leaving around 8am and once we get there we will do the Michigan Avenue thing. Dont know about dinner plans for that night. You are going to be with us Friday night right?  All I know for sure is that Jenni wants a picture in front of Oprah studio’s.
Is that going to be possible?  I’d also like to go back to Milleniun park to see that mirrored structure and then Deanna wants to go to Navy Pier. What about those passes for the subway?  If you are going to get them we will pay you back. Any lines on any tickets for anything.  Are you going to take your Mom out alone? I hope so! We will call you when we get there.
I cant wait. We are bringing LOTS of liquor.  Lots of love.  Cant wait to see you!!!!!!!

Mom Might Be Boiled as an Owl

Mom: u ever heard of the phrase “boiled as an owl?”

Me: no…

Mom: there’s a guy in the online cribbage room here, so i googled the boiled thingy ’cause that was his user name

Mom: and it’s slang for REAL drunk lol

Mom: i got boiled as an owl last night!

Me: uh…really? you did? or is that just an example of how to use that phrase?

Mom: i was a good girl last night. as far as you know, anyways  ;)

Mom: google it. right now. BOILED AS AN OWL.

Me: uh, that’s ok, mom…i think i’ll trust you on that one

Mom: so…what’d u and ur man make for dinner last night?

Me: burgers fries and shakes

Mom: and a cold brewski?

Me: nooo…that’s for tonight lol

Me: i mean…i don’t drink! i’m not 21 yet ;)

Mom: well when u go home…ask him if he wants to get boiled as an owl tonight

Mom: DO IT. heeeeeeheheheheee

Me: …mom? are you ok?

Mom: BOILED AS AN OWL! it’s my new favorite phrase!!!!! :D

Me: i’m not talking to you anymore

Rules for Tailgating

That’s quite a tail-gate you have planned. Remember, I do not provide bail money, don’t get caught with alcohol and keep your clothes on.

You better use a tablecloth!

Me: i’m going to need to take that dining room table off your hands this weekend.  hope that’s ok.

Mom: that’s fine. do you need it for something?

Me: Elizabeth and i are having a party next weekend and we need it for beer pong.

Mom: what????

Me: that game i just explained to you with the cups of beer and the ping pong ball….

Mom: oh that is disgusting. not very lady like.

Mom: you better use a tablecloth!


Thanks for your e-mail Amanda. I’m very happy to hear you are getting happier, keep working on it. You sound like a party animal, don’t you? Make sure don’t frink too much.

BTW, do you hav time to read? Please try if you haven’t.
BTW, do you know what is “BTW” is?


Love, Mom