Towards an All Time Low for Dad

Dad just washed his golf clubs in the toilet. He says it’s ok cuz he flushed. This is towards an all time low. Love Mom

Porridge Will Never Be The Same.

I know it’s too late for this bath but you could use baby oil or mineral oil in the bath as well. Then you don’t come out smelling like porridge. Of course, that would be a “turn on” for your Dad !
More hugs, Mom xoxo
P.S. We watched the inauguration as well. I thought he did well with his speech.

hot messes all around

Backstory: Mom just recently learned to use the term ‘hot mess” and she LOVES it.
me: why did your boyfriend wear a white suit with tennis shoes to the wedding party?
mom: he was a hot mess…someone sh** in our bathroom today…it was a hot mess…all over the seat…we share a bathroom with all the businesses…i can almost smell it through the computer.
me: That is disgusting. What did you do about it? Did you have to call maintenance?
mom: we run and hold our pee all day until the cleaning people show up tonight.
me: run where?
mom: run out of the bathroom and don’t go back

What Men Want

Me: I don’t know what to get my husband for his birthday
Mom: Well, I don’t know if the standards are higher in New York, but in Oakridge, a 6-pack and a blowjob would do. That’s all men around here want.

Love, Mom