Threatening Christmas Lunch

Change of date. Please note is now at 2 pm on Friday 23 December.

See you there or you are fucked.

Winged Migration

Mom: I thought my new finch feeder was broken because I didn’t have any birds, but two of them showed up last week…
Mom: They spent all week hoarding the food, but then I think one of them must have blabbed, because now there are 50 or so out there.
Mom: And I know the one who didn’t blab is saying, “Dammit, there goes all my fucking food.”
Me: Ha!
Mom: But I’m glad I didn’t return it to the store. I thought it was broken because I had no birds!
Me: Well, it might just be that they hadn’t migrated up there yet.
Mom: Oh.
Mom: I hadn’t thought about that.

Get Some F*&8&#$ Manners!

You know I love you very much and am truly proud of the emerging adults you have become. This email is of a serious nature, and I hope you will take it as such. At the end of 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney gives a little commentary on whatever strikes his fancy. This particular evening it was about the use of expletives (dirty words, he whispered) that  profligates our culture. His point of view is that it is plain old bad manners.  It is disrespectful to those who hear it and it reflects badly on the person who uses it. Though I am guilty of this rarely, (though Dad will say otherwise) it pains me that you two lovely people have such bad manners. You two are both adults, and this language is nothing to be proud of. Perhaps, you could start a new movement and be in the forefront of speaking in a manner that would reflect well on your. Looking into the future, there is nothing cute about hearing a 3 year old say the f word or s word.  I too will clean up my act, so to speak. I love y
 ou, MOM

Mom’s Pep Talk

hi thanks for the note..
i hate that YOU do this to YOURSELF also..

YOU are CAPABLE and OUTSTANDING>>why don’t YOU believe that? daMMIT!

I’m going to bed..extremely exhausted..

tomorrow i get that filling.wed am a dr. appt..ugh..
talk to you tomorrow then..
i need to make it look christmasy here..

ok..nitey nite..get that FUCKING work done! dammit..YOU CAN DO IT!

loveYOU bushels,
momxooxox:)

buncha btiches

Me: boo

Mom: boo you boo boo
i have to take kids to piano so I can’t chat right now. bitch.
ha ha hurry up and say something

Me: fine
bitch
LOVE YA

Mom: LOVE YA. BITCH!

Me: it’s a little early for piano
whatever
btich

Mom: piano has been changed for the summer and learn to spell b.i.t.c.h.

Me: i was spelling it the cool, new way
have fun at piano, btich

Mom: yeah, right. YOU have fun bitch.



Love, Mom