Family Not Cutting The Mustard

I thought I would send an e.mail so you don’t think I have abandoned you.  I spent considerable time on the phone to your sister last night and was quite wrung out by the experience!  I had no energy to phone anyone else.  Our family don’t seem to be cutting the mustard regarding the wedding. Oh dearie me.  It is all starting to feel a bit stressful.  I am going to phone your sister’s future inlaws tonight to see how they are feeling.
Have you had your trousers turned up yet or do I need to bring my sewing kit?
What are we all going to discuss when the great event is over?
I hope you have stopped smoking and are keeping the bathroom clean

Lol Mum xx

Death and Blenders

Congrats on your bullet blender and making good drinks and your fish fry. My baby is growing up!

The funeral was okay, everyone in our family is very ugly, just for your information.   [Redacted] looks like Barney Fife from the Andy Griffith show. Very freaky. I did not recognize anyone but they recognized me.

19-Year-Old Brother, Home for the Summer

I made zack get up yesterday and clean up all of his stuff and pack it up. it was all over the living room and the houskeepers came.  he said i kicked him out of the house.  this isn’t true.  he doesn’t want to live here if he has to pick up his guitar hero.  mom

Mom, “The Gambler”

I’m just up in the room taking a break from the smoke.  And you know my neck starts to hurt after awhile.  Your father’s new kick is blackjack to the tune of 5 bucks a hand.  That’s to rich for my blood, you know me the nickle slots is all I need to have fun.  yesterday I was up $40 one time but of course lost it.  I only let your dad give me $20 at a time so I don’t spend to much, but then I just spend half my day wandering around looking for him to get more money, and of course he gives me a hard time every time about my “gambling habit”.  While he sits at the $5 table!  of course he has won $150 so far so there goes my argument.

I hope you and Dizzy [the dog] are getting along, please don’t take it out on her just because she’s my favorite daughter.

And please tell your brother to call us, he won’t answer when we call and your father is convinced he has burned down the house or something.  Hopefully he’s just ignoring us! See you Sunday!

“The Gambler”


Backstory: My cousin, who is 15 years older than me (I’m 19), just had a baby. My mom emailed my dad the pictures of her baby, and CCed me on the email.

Do you want to be a grandpa already? ^_^

I am ready to be a grandma, a young and pretty one. ^_~

I need to ask our daughter to “HURRY! HURRY! HURRY!”

Photo scanning blues

Mom: Can’t get the scanner to scan a photo.  What am I doing wrong?

Me: it’s too complicated.  put photo in and try to hit scan button

Mom: Did – doesn’t do anything.  I’ll just mail the photo to your aunt.  It’s a pic of our parents graves. She has difficulty accepting that they are dead.

Me:  That’s pretty harsh, lady.  I’m not gonna open mail from YOU anytime soon!!!

Mom: Maybe I’ll put it in a card.

The Bloat

At least the bloat is not permanent.  My bloat has lasted ever since Steven was born.  That boy messed me up.


Any use for a nylon bag?

The college counselor is cleaning out and has a book bag (about 12″w x 16″h and 2″ deep), has just a single magnetic clasp with a shoulder strap. It does read College Board in the lower right corner. If you don’t want it (toting yoga things?), I’m going to put it up for grabs on the counter here.

Yippee….I’m off tomorrow and Monday!!! Cindy arrives at 12:45 tomorrow afternoon…Dad will bring her home. Yes, my house is almost ALL clean; crazy me, I still want to go buy some new plants for the patio table and the flower box by the little garage door!! Can I do it?????? I still have to grocery shop too!!!!! Why do I get like this? Did you inherit it????


Grandma Names

Backstory: I got a new puppy.

Hi!  How is life as a parent?  Did puppy keep you up last night?

I’m thinking of my grandma name.  I’m thinking that I’m either Nina or Honey.  Dad is Papa. Nina is the name of the Diane Keaton character in Father of the Bride, and she becomes a grandma in the second movie.

Honey is what everyone called Amy’s mom.  Amy’s kids just copied their grandpa when he yelled for her.

If you have heard of another good grandma replacement, let me know.  Puppy probably won’t be saying the word…but he will be thinking it.

college kids today!

Just saw the choke trailer, haHAHA cant wait , when didi it say it would be out? Oh about 2 am last nite your sister calls and says the electricity is out at her apt, it got shut off and she is trying to figure it out cause I used my debit  card to turn it on so we would not have to give a deposit right  she is rambling on and on…then I say jesus chirst  I bet the storm shut down the electricity. she says she cannot figure it out good nite. I call her this am  and she says I was really drunk and it seems that it was just the light in my bedroom that would not turn on. go figure.  college kids today!   mom

Never Know What We’ll Find Lately

Mom: What did you do today? Bored huh

Me: Yep

Me: I’m going to the gym soon.

Mom: James is serenading me in the comp room.

Mom: OMG

Mom: I’m getting a headache

Mom: It’s getting louder he doesn’t like me talking in computer lingo LOL

Me: Well at least he is playing you music

Mom: yep Killer – I mean nugget left us have eaten mouse under the chair outside yesterday.  Never know what we’ll find lately

Photo Album Inspiration

Dearest children,

It came to me at mile 3.4 on the recumbant bike today.  At last:  an inspiration for how to organize the photo albums in a meaningful and fun way.  I’m writing to get your feedback.

What do you think about foregoing traditional approaches to organizing the photos, e.g., chronologically.  Who can remember the dates, anymore, anyway (except Josh, who remembers EVERY date!) ?    My idea is to do theme albums, albums that will tell overarching stories.  An album might be entitled:  “Laurel Avenue”, for instance, and could include a variety of different photos, across the years, that tell the Laurel Avenue story of our family.

What do you think?  Too weird? Too silly?  Let’s hear your voices.

Alright, let’s hear from all of you out there in the studio audience.  And Go Barack!

xoxo, Mom

Thongs for All

Honey that’s wonderful news! Tell DeeDee she is always welcome and we can’t wait to see you both. We should have some sweet corn by July but plenty of tomatoes and even raspberries. So we’ll be ready for a crowd! I went nuts at Costco on Thurs and got a whole gallon of that bbq sauce and they had very high quality beach towels in nice colors and got four of those PLUS four pairs of UNISEX one-size-fits-all thongs. Daddy and I have been sharing the same old pair of thongs out on the back porch forever! But these are nice and I’ll save them for your guests in case the others decide to come…

Family Updates

Hi Jim!   I thought I’d get details about Katie today.   Wrong.   Barbara didn’t say a thing.   She doesn’t know that we know.     And Roberta said Tommy is back at Christine’s.   Again.   Your Uncle Cappy had a little accident chopping wood today.  [Again}     He  cut off a big chunk of his thumb.   Sandy  followed the ambulance to the hospital and hit a Fed-Ex truck and totalled her car.   That’s not all.   She suffered bruises to her heart, and is in the hospital.   Cappy was released.   He’s home, with Emily and baby of course.   We’ll know more tomorrow.   Say a prayer for all of them.     Love, Mom  xoxoxoxoxo

Delicate Nephew

I have to share this Andrew story with you. Your nephew is unbelievable.
Scene: Friday afternoon, 2nd floor den
Characters: Dana, Jack, Andrew, and Sadie (Bubby)

Andrew (seeing the telephone he had left on the floor after answering it): I’m going to put this here, on the couch. It’s very delicate.
Bubby: Thanks, sweetheart. That’s really thoughtful of you.
Andrew: And now I going to show you my butt (he turns around and sticks his butt in Bubby’s face).
Bubby: That wasn’t a very delicate thing to do.
Andrew: Oh yes it was. It’s a very delicate butt.

Distant Relatives

hi girls,
you HAVE to get “I am David” on netflix. we just watched it and it is one of the best movies i have seen this year. first of all, jim caviezel is in it and i know he is related to us. he looks just like my brothers and your nana’s maiden name was cavazel which her father changed from cavietzel. so we have to be related to him, he just looks so much like us. anyway you would both love the story, it is great!


Love, Mom