Backstory: it’s my mom’s 50 birthday this week and after listening to much complaining about what she thinks is her flabby tummy/thigh/booty region, i told her about Spanx and then got her a pair for her birthday.  i guess she liked them.

me: have any jeans you’ve been wanting to wiggle into?  i think they have a pee hole but i’m not entirely sure what the process is like for getting in and out of them, so i’d like a full report afterward

Mom: well you shall have one.  i am reading the back and it does indeed have a peepee hole – this should be interesting! lol

Mom: oh my God! i took them out and they look like they could fit a DOLL

me: well, i hope they work.  i heard a lady say that her coworkers asked her if she’d lost weight

Mom: hell, good enough for me

[one hour later]

Mom: SPANX SPANX SPANX!!!!!
Oh yeah baby. I even asked MYSELF if I had lost weight!

Backstory: My mom will often give me (her dragqueen son with nails and purple hair) WAY random and out there advice on fashion. One day she was asking what I was going to be wearing to a family function.

mom: so what r u gonna wear?

me: i dunno. something black Im sure.

mom: really?!

me: well all my pink clothes are in the wash :)

mom: :( well just don’t dress like Cher and don’t wear tight sweaters, they make you look cheap.

me: all righty then…..