Just Say No to Vampire Fashion
Just want to go on record…I do not like the latest, vampire-inspired fall fashions! BCBG is all Transylvania, all the time!
Time for Change
brb im going to change from my tight cougar jeans into my reality tv pajama pants
Mom Discovers Spanx, and the Pee Hole
Backstory: it’s my mom’s 50 birthday this week and after listening to much complaining about what she thinks is her flabby tummy/thigh/booty region, i told her about Spanx and then got her a pair for her birthday. i guess she liked them.
me: have any jeans you’ve been wanting to wiggle into? i think they have a pee hole but i’m not entirely sure what the process is like for getting in and out of them, so i’d like a full report afterward
Mom: well you shall have one. i am reading the back and it does indeed have a peepee hole – this should be interesting! lol
Mom: oh my God! i took them out and they look like they could fit a DOLL
me: well, i hope they work. i heard a lady say that her coworkers asked her if she’d lost weight
Mom: hell, good enough for me
[one hour later]
Mom: SPANX SPANX SPANX!!!!!
Oh yeah baby. I even asked MYSELF if I had lost weight!
Style Tips: Jean Shorts and Tattoos
I ordered some new shoes–BOOTS!! The low-cut ones (great with jeans). But I was thinking I would get some jeans-shorts where the inseam is 2 inches, some sweat socks, and a flannel shirt. Maybe a tattoo on my calf that says “Yo Momma” or “Semper Fi.”
Fashion Tips for a Drag Queen Son
Backstory: My mom will often give me (her dragqueen son with nails and purple hair) WAY random and out there advice on fashion. One day she was asking what I was going to be wearing to a family function.
mom: so what r u gonna wear?
me: i dunno. something black Im sure.
mom: really?!
me: well all my pink clothes are in the wash :)
mom: :( well just don’t dress like Cher and don’t wear tight sweaters, they make you look cheap.
me: all righty then…..
