If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say…

Mom: i was just looking for gardeners
Mom: zoe told me she doesn’t want to come and plant flowers for me anymore
Me: why not?
Me: because you never say anything nice about her?
Mom: because she’s ugly?

Imitation is the Highest Form of Flattery?

Mom: [Friend] bought a necklace exactly like one I bought last month, and that is so wrong and I am pissed.
Mom: and she did that with our dining room set too
Mom: so annoying
Mom: don’t you think that is wrong?
Me: yes why would she want to wear the same thing as you!
Mom: because she wants to be me
Mom: grrrr
Mom: k byeeeee going to her house for greek food and stalking of me
Me: haha okay bye
Mom: she will probably eat like me, dress like me, and talk like me soon. Beware of my doppelganger!

Working Mom’s Last Nerve

Backstory: C & J are a couple that get on my mother’s nerves a bit.  She had dinner with them last night.

Mom: I’m trapped with C and J and I can’t get out.
Mom: Help me.  Puhleeze.
Me: What could I do to help??
Mom: Teleport me to Chicago?  Puhleeze?
Mom: Hhhheeeeelllllllppppppp.
Mom: Aaaarrrrgh, shoot me.
Me: Sorry mom! Good luck!
Mom: Thanx?!  I’m already in the dog house because i’m not a dog lover. Ssssshhhh.
Mom: Kill me. Kill me. KILL ME! Seriously.

I Will Do What I Choose

We are in a mess here, but the office, kitchen and sunroom are painted.   Just have to put everything back in place.   Of course, Gert is driving me crazy, came by when we were not even here and looked in.   Told me “not to put all that stuff back out”, well, I will do what I choose.   You should see the absolute crap in her house.   At least everything in my house is real stuff, not junk (fake oriental, etc.)

Love, Mom