Postcards From Yo Momma » get with it

Drunken Cell Phone Promises

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 18:50:07 +0000

Me: find out how much it is to break the cell phone contract and maybe i can pay for half
Mom: gee when you were drunk, you said you’d pay all of it.
Mom: so we’ll just get you liquored up and whip out your checkbook.
Me: shit
Mom: yeah, that too.

Computers vs. Cleaning: Who Wins?

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:01:38 +0000

Backstory: My mom and I started fighting when I got frustrated with her THIRD inquiry this week about attaching files to emails. I sent her a message detailing the steps in doing this, and also advised her to start retaining information about the internet, computer, etc. I mentioned that she’d be around for another 50 years and better get used to technology.

You know what, here’s what we’ll do. When you get so frustrated about my computer literacy, just remember how I feel when you can’t remember to make your bed, hang clothes, wipe off the sink, clean the toilet and empty trashcans. I keep telling you to learn how to do that but you don’t because it is not important to you. So I go after you and clean it up. You can show me how to do computer stuff when I need it. It’s all common sense, right, cleaning up after yourself and using the computer? Cleaning is going to be around for the next 100 years and you just can’t say, “I don’t have time to do this, I’ll do it next month.”

When your kids’ friends come over and say your house is a pigsty, (like your brother told Ms. S when he was little), you can remember this little chat we’ve had today and really get a big kick out of it! Cleaning has been around for longer than computers and has proven to be effective in making people happy and keeping them healthy. Cleanliness is a VIRTUE! Windex and 409 are very user friendly and come with instructions.

So pick up a bottle of cleaner and really try it out in several locations. You’ll really like the feeling of being neat and clean once you get used to it. Have a FANTASTIC afternoon. I have to go do the stuff that keeps me distracted, like wait in line for a grumpy 15 year old, pick up Dad’s pants for the third time, get his secretaries flowers for some reason…etc.

Love, Mama

LIKE GOING TO THE PROM WITHOUT A DRESS.

Postcards From Yo Momma — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:30:04 +0000

I AM GOING TO SHOOT YOU. WHY DO YOU GO TO GET A JOB AND NOT TAKE YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY CARD. IT IS LIKE GOING TO THE PROM WITHOUT A DRESS. LIKE GOING TO THE AIRPORT WITH OUT A TICKET. LIKE STARTING A CAR WITHOUT GAS. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK. It won’t be until I return from my trip.

I love you, but sometimes I wonder why.

Only Granddogs In This Economy

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:00:15 +0000

so i am going to pay for tires for your brother. i am not going to allow him to drive on those roads. the rain is hitting and there is no way i want him on the road.
dont have kids. you cant afford them.
i will just have granddogs. i am fine with that. :)

you get your looks from ME

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:30:34 +0000

Mom: So how did it go with the tax man and the internet people and the plumber?

Me: Umm, I didn’t make it, I don’t understand it and I delayed it, respectively.

Mom: Please try to get by on your pretty face for as long as you can, darling, because … well … because I think that’s a very good idea.

Me: Thanks, bitch.

Mom: You’re welcome. And it won’t last for much longer, so get what you can now. Thankfully you don’t look like your father. MX