Backstory: Mom’s response to my email asking how old Dad is turning next week.

He was born in 1950…………….yikes, 62.  Don’t say anything about getting old.  It is bugging him that we are getting old and he is a little depressed.  When he gets depressed, he obsesses about his bowels.
Love MOM

Okay girls I need your honest opinion here. This is probably caused by the fact that I am heading towards the big 60 and can already see the signs of aging creeping up on me. Anyway, I need to know how you girls see me because you are my best critics.
Am I too thin?  Do you like my hairstyle or did you like it better when it was shorter like in your cousin’s wedding pics or longer like I had it 8 years ago? Do you think I could stand to change what I wear, like are my sneakers too old lady looking? Have I lost my “Hotness” ? If so, what can I do to get it back? Can you really see the newly acquired wrinkles on my face and do I look OLD? You will go through this too some day so don’t laugh, just tell me what I need to know. Answering honestly will not disqualify you from any inheritance…LOL, but then again you never know.
Love, Mom

Dad and I are going on Wed. to have our wills updated. Which one of you wants to handle the $$$$$ (executor)  and which one wants to pull the plug (health care proxy)?

Backstory: My mom emailed me asking me for the link to the video I made for her 50th birthday last year. This is what she wrote after she watched it again.

When I see myself at 50, I think of the saying “Time marches on…your face.” Oh well, we all get old. I stopped at an assisted living center today and wow…please don’t ever leave me sitting by the door unable to move with my mouth wide open. The flies will get in.

Thanks for the wishes…But you know I’d rather not acknowledge it.   Not that I mind being 67….I just think it’s time to fuhgetaboutit.  Your father gave me a mouthpiece-thingee to eliminate my snoring…..now is that any kind of gift?  That’s like giving someone Depends or Preparation H!!

Where did that hat come from,  when I saw it on the stairs yesterday am (I had just got out of bed) I thought it was cat throw up – its the same color – I thought the cat was really sick – couldnt see it was a hat till I was right up to it.  I think I need glasses.

Funny, both you and Peter mentioned that I also could get a fancy new phone.  I think I will stay with my old one and just BITCH.  I think it suits me better. I should be getting to the age where I can say or do anything I want and people will just chalk it up to that crazy old lady.  Ahh,  freedom through dementia!!!
love you lots
mom

am bringing home two different boards, a science board and a yard sale board, I need to make a poster for Linda’s 40th birthday and was wondering if you might help me (being the teacher part of you).

I want to attach bras to it and say Happy 40th Birthday from your Bosom Buddies.

Doesn’t that sound like fun! Do you have any big markers?

We have left you a couple of voice mails on your phone but have not heard back from you so…. I thought I would send a little email.  I am sure you are busy and actually have a life so I am not worried just wanted to wish you a happy birthday in person or at least in voice.  I cannot believe that I am old enough to have children 31 and 29 years old.  I think you both must be aging in dog years!  I knew you’d like that one.  Any way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, to my sweet daughter.
Love you lots and lots
mom