Just Take That 1 Spare Minute…

Backstory: this is what I received after telling my parents they were ridiculous (I missed two texts from my mother [within 10 minutes of each other] and then received a text from my father an hour later telling me to respond to my mother)

Well. We have two options here. I could be deeply offended and stop being concerned when I contact you and 8 hours later you haven’t found 1 spare minute to get back to me. OR I could ignore your umbridge and continue to care enough about your welfare to risk your anger and pester you until I get some sort of response that would let me know that you haven’t fallen in your apartment where you are alone, hit your head, and are laying unconscious and no one knows because you are not expected anywhere. Sorry for your luck to have a parent that worries.

… But Don’t Feel Guilty

Mom: Remember to pay your health insurance today.

[Some time passed, and I didn't respond]

Mom: Seriously — did you pay Oxford?

Me: I will as soon as I get home.

Mom: Thank you — I will now be able to sleep tonight!

Me: You’re SO dramatic.  I just paid Oxford, Con Ed and JCPenney bills.

Mom: Thank you!  I am a teeny bit dramatic, but only since my VERY difficult pregnancy and painful delivery.

I See Ann Curry More Than You

I was thinking that you could run down to Rockefeller Center some morning and stand behind the rails for the Today show. You could let me know in advance and I could plan to watch so I can see you. Could you do this? Friday’s are a bad idea because they usually have live performances and they are mobbed with people. Other days, the crowd seems lighter. Or, you could send me a picture of you!
I miss you. Love, Mom

iPhone to the grave

it might be nice if you could actually CALL & just see if I am OK. Ruptured ear drums hurt and there will be no phone in my coffin. m

A Taxing Guilt Trip

mom: hey, mija, how r u doing honey i don’t know what is going on you’re acting so different so distant i know that your brothers and I aren’t a big part of your family, i still want to know how you are and for you to know that we love you–all I ask is that you tell me how you are.

me: Mom, it’s tax season. I’m working 75 hour weeks. I don’t even talk to my husband.

mom: I love you, mija. God bless u.

I Got You This Guilt Trip For New Year’s

I am making a New Year’s Resolution, to try very very very hard to be the mother that you want me to be. I will not offer any advice on any matter, unless it is requested. And then I will advise very cautiously, so as not to overstep your limits of desired information. I will not talk about people or things you don’t want to hear about, or at least as long as I am aware of those things or people. These resolutions should allow you to decide where in your life if at all you wish me to be. What this means of course, is that I will not be able to call you very much, because there would be nothing for me to call about. So you will have to initiate calls. That will make it easier for me to adhere to my resolutions. If I accidentally write things in emails that are inappropriate, you can blast me back, like you usually do, and that should shut me up, and get me back on track. But I promise, I will do my very best to stay out of your life the way you want me to. Love you, Mom

Mom’s New Year’s Resolution-Slash-Guilt Trip

Backstory: This was my mother’s response to my asking what her new year’s resolutions are. Obviously, she’s a little bitter over my busy lifestyle!

To improve my health. You should pray that I stay healthy. If I get sick, I won’t want you around. No time for me when I’m well… you live with it. Your choice.

Multiple Choice Quiz

____     I’m OK, just busy

____     Please don’t bother me

____     I’m sick

____     I’m sick, come and see about me

____     I’m home, but don’t call me

____     I’m at work; but don’t call me

____     I’m too busy to answer this.

Guilt Trips… and Tim Gunn

OK, what is an idea for your new hubby for his birthday?  I have no good clue – I guess you are all just living too far away.  Is there anything on the Amazon registry that would be appropriate for him?
Does that registry stay “up” after the wedding date?
Give me a clue.

What did you think of Kenly dissing Tim last week – will she be eliminated this week?  She sure does hang in there.  But oh boy!

I Will Sit In The Dark And Wait For You

i would rather hang around w/you then go to the mtns and the times when you are doing something else, i will sit in the dark and wait for you to come back..mom

Love, Mom