I want no one spending more money just LOTS of cooking & a ride to look @ Christmas lights with not one word of bickering between your sisters! no one gets car sick or complains about the temp. or reads a book instead of looking @ lights & saying Ah h h h.  O & I am not the driver!  I demand many back rubs & foot rubs too! O & we must go to bars too bad [youngest sister] probably does not have a fake ID.  that is my list maybe to go the movies too!  LOL

Ding ding ding ding ding ding dingy dingy ding ding dingy ding am feeling xmasy already

Backstory: My mother sent this to my father, my brother and sister and me under the subject IMPORTANT: READ NOW. We never have christmas with her family because it’s too insane (hence the weirdness), and my grandmother has like 50 cats (hence the smells). But she’s decided that she will have christmas with them this year, with or without her children and husband.

Morning, everybody. This is the mother speaking. Do not delete.

This year, for the first time in 22 years, I would like Christmas to be in DC. You all know why: [your uncle] will have [your cousins] and of course he wants them to have a fun time with family. I know all of you would rather be here but that’s not the issue. I’m going to DC and I would love to have everybody there, but I don’t want anybody to go who’s going to be acting like a sullen asshole, or constantly complaining, etc. I’m going, please come, but if you come you must be there to participate and have a good time regardless of whatever weirdness or smells you might encounter.

Backstory: My husband and I both have children from previous marriages, so it’s kind of hard for my mom to keep up with what holidays we will have them.

It is the time of year when those with children need to start trying to figure out who is going to be where when for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Christmas Eve. Those of us who throw the bash need to know how many to plan for so that we can beging buying the necessary ingredients.

(How was that?  Did it sound sort of professional?) :)

Good morning girls!

Dad has given me 2 things for his Christmas list.

1.  Cordless Drill Driver
2.  12 gauge pump Shotgun – nothing fancy – all purpose for hunting – he’s thinking that when he retires he might go hunting with his son-in-laws.  He also wants to get one before they are outlawed. He thinks that is coming sometime.

So, there you have it so far.

I ordered a Christmas present for you and had it mailed to the house in your name. Apparently it shipped today, so should be coming soon–so keep an eye on the front porch and DON’T OPEN IT. Don’t shake it, either. Just put it in a closet and WALK AWAY.

HI,

JUST HAD MY FIRST VISIT TO A RESTAURANT SUPPLY WAREHOUSE.

SO TOTALLy TRYING TO CONTROL MYSELF, I GOT 5 LBS OF WHITEFISH SALAD. 4 HUGE THINGS OF LOX.  EVERYDAY STEAK KNIVES, I HAVE ENOUGH TO GIVE SOME AWAY.

BRING CONTAINERS IN YOUR COOLER TO TAKE LEFT OVERS.  I WILL HAVE PLENTY OF TURKEY AND BRISKET, GEFILTE FISH ALSO.

LOVE, MOM

I have reconsidered my request for a Mother’s day gift from my favorite daughter unless, of course, you have already purchased my previously requested gift.

I would like a stainless steel juice water carrying container with a capacity of at least 32 oz. I now carry a plastic water bottle but they, the intranet, say that you should not use a plastic container because it can transmit toxins into the liquid. I don’t need any more toxins thank you very much. I have quite enough of those to be sure.

You may think that this is an easy request but alas it is not for I have searched for one. I don’t really want a thermos because they are large and rather heavy. Instead, I would prefer a lightweight something that would easily fit into the free Ikea black carry case that I have.

So that is my official request that supersedes my previous request.

Hopefully I will see you on Sunday.
Love,

Your Beloved Matriarch

Backstory: I am living with a host family while I spend this semester abroad in Argentina.

HEY L,
HAPPY EASTER’…….JUST AN EXCUSE TO
SAY, ‘I MISS YOU’ AND I LOVE YOU.’…..
SO, WHAT DO THEY (ARGENTINIANS) , IF ANYTHING, FOR EASTER DINNER?.
AND, WHAT KIND OF FOOD ARE YOU EXPERIENCING THERE……ANYTHING YOU WANT
TO BRING HOME TO COOK???? GET RECIPES…
ARE YOU , SO FAR, ENJOYING ARGENTINA?? YOUR FAMILY, FRIENDS??? CLASSES??
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN THERE?
WE THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIME…….WHAT’S THE GIRLY DOING????

I just electronically deposited $ into your checking account. You can buy extra Passover wine or pay your rent or whatever.

I love you, sweetheart.

“HOPPY EASTER!”

Love,
Mom

Hi Sweet <3, R U kmng hm Th or Fr? Aftr al itz estr! jesus.
luv
ma

I just realized the Quacker Factory sweaters I bought at the QVC outlet for Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s day light up like my Xmas sweater.  SWEET!

Yours is without doubt the prettiest Christmas card I have ever seen! We appreciate the picture (how you change, when we don’t see you often!) Now you remind me of our sister-in-law D.C., in her younger years! I expect it is the hair style.

And for me, there is no better gift than stamps. I go through them like they were free. (Thankfully, some of them are!)

But it saddens my heart that you and K. have, with a few exceptions, refused to help your mother around the house (specifically dishes!). After fixing a big meal for all of you, she is tired! She has not been well for years, yet no one pitches in to help her out. When does she get a break? The first thing you know, she won’t be around to “do” for everyone, and at that point, I expect there will be a few regrets. Please do me a favor and help her out once in a while when you’re home! You are never a “guest” in the home of your parents.

Love, Grandma