Backstory: There’s never an inappropriate time to use quote “So I married an axe murderer” to poke fun at the size of someone’s face. Jealousy does hilarious things to mom.

Mom: I was reading the local newspaper online and saw this little article in the “Who’s news” section [link to story about a girl I knew in high school meeting Johnny Depp]. She must’ve graduated a year before you but she went to your high school, so you might know her. Lucky little puke!

Me: Yea I know who she is. People I know used the code name Miss Piggy when referring to her because of the obvious resemblence. Not in a mean way, though.

Mom: Yeah, you’re right! Must be the big-ass face on her…
“I’m not kidding, that girl’s head is like Sputnik; spherical but quite pointy at parts! She’ll be crying herself to sleep tonight, on her huge pilla.”