Thanks for the Boobs!

So I was looking around for a bra to put on under my t-shirt before your cousin Ryan arrives, and found one of yours — padded, no straps.  I’ve been struttin all day!  Much bigger than I’m used to!

How to Fit a Bra, Via Warsaw

Backstory: My family is Polish and my mom is currently spending a few months in Warsaw. We email back and forth daily, and the above email came just the other day with the word “cyce” (boobs, in Polish) in the subject heading. I translated this little jewel from Polish for your reading pleasure.

I watched a program about how to select bras. A bra should be sufficiently tight around your bust such that the side panels and metal supports fall under your armpits and don’t bisect your breast, creating folds under your armpits (those folds that frazzle us in dressing rooms). When you put a bra on you should use your hand to scoop up all the excess skin from under your armpits and into the cup of the bra (this is our “lost” bust). Boobs become a size larger and the folds under your armpits disappear. I checked, and all my bras are now too small.

Found: Bra in the Glovebox

Backstory: I’m not a 36B and neither is she. She’s clearly in denial that she SHOULD be asking my brother…

Hey –you never called me back!  Do you  know anything about the black strapless bra (36b) that I found in my glove box?  Do I wash it or throw it?

Also, have you found out anything about ComEd or the new apartment?


The Genetics of Small Boobs

Just got back from Chicago!! We had an excellent time!!!  We went bra shopping where Oprah gets all of her bras. Oprah is def. rich I only bought 2 and had a $300 bill.  She should give them away on her show.  Anyway,  the woman at the store measured me and told me that I was a D!!!  So you may now stop blaming me for your chest or lack there of I should say!  I think you must have gotten that from your father’s side!  You will be so happy when you are 80 and those suckers are still purky!!

Love you!

Bra ha ha

So exciting, I’m bidding on a bra on e-bay!  Tried it on in the fancy lingerie shop on Mississaga St., cost $60.00.  I’m the leading bid at $5.00, with bidding ending at 3:30 p.m. today.  Welcome to the new market, M****!   (I’ll keep you posted.)


Love, Mom