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Mom: I’m doing Match.com. Ugh.
Me: any catches on there?
Mom: I’m emailing one guy named Bob who does a lot of yoga. I think he is probably scrawny.
Me: Probably
Mom: He says he’s “meticulous.” He LOOKS meticulous.
Me: that probably means he has OCD.
Mom: I bet you’re right. He IS a virgo.
Backstory: I recently decided to kick-start my mom’s dating life, so I took matters into my own hands and started forwarding her emails from men on match.com, and vice versa. Apparently she is ready to take matters into her own hands.
Hey! call me when you wake up as I would like to start doing this account on my own I want to have e-mail sex and it is awkward since I have to send it through yoo
Hi Toots!
Dad and I were talking and we think that you should go on Match.com and pick out several more loser boyfriends. If you do this and your motivation to get revenge on exes by being more successful than they are continues to build in this way, we believe that you will be material for a certain Nobel prize at some point in the future. What do you think about this wonderful idea??!! Dad says we will pay for Match.com if you promise to give us a share of your Nobel prize money.
Love, Mombo and Heartie
P.S. Dad also says that your evil ex may have won a dumb grant, but he lost the biggest prize…YOU!!!! XXOO
Mom: In your blog you have 2 errors in the next to last paragraph. See if you can find them!
Me: Did you even like what I wrote? Silly.
Mom: I love what you wrote, but I do not want a blog relationship with my daughter. Anything you want me to know, you need to call and tell me, and I will give you appropriate feedback. Your generation thinks the computer is the way to cultivate friendships, relationships, love, etc. Not true. The ancient way is best.
Me: Right. And just how many singles web sites do you belong to?
Hi Daughters:
Please forward any family pics you have that make me look like a good Mama. I need them for Match.com!
Meggers: especially last years bowling bonanza when I was buff.
Thanks girls. Mama is doing her best to find you a new Daddy before Christmas.
XOXO
PS.
(I crack myself up)
This is a gentle reminder to do my match.com pics please I love you so very much, please don’t wig out cuz I know how busy you are but I need a man.
love your mommy
