Dadnapping

Mom: did I ever tell you about the time we kidnapped your dad?

Me: no

Mom: well I’m not gonna tell you now either, might incriminate myself

Mom: some other time when nobody’s around

Me: whaat

Mom: I will say this…I never saw your father as scared as he was that night! Hehe

CPR –> SEX?

Me: question,LOL, in Grade 2 did I ever come home complaining about some kid trying to give me CPR?
Mom: gees you really do sound like you are in a good mood. No, you never shared that trauma on me.  Who was the kid? CRP or just the ‘R’ part which stands for respirations meaning mouth to mouth.  Was it a pick up line for a Grade 2 kid.
Me: He was just telling me about this, I don’t remember it happening actually. I think he dreamed it.
Mom: The question is.. Is he single? Does he want to try an updated version of CPR?

Happy… Birthday?

Hope you are having a great day.  I don’t remember having such a great day about this time 27 years ago!  (My exact quote: “Give me drugs, I don’t care if she is brain damaged for life.”)  But I love you anyway. I’ll call this evening.  Love, Mom

My Daughter, aka Little One Who Almost Caused Me to Die in Childbirth

Backstory: This conversation happened on my birthday.

me: get your rest! love you!

mom: I love you too. little one who almost caused me to die in childbirth….I would gladly have saccrificed myself for you except that it would have deprived your brother of his life ;)

me: i’ll keep that in mind. good night

mom: g’night. <3

Grandma’s Fables

Backstory: My grandmother is French and started writing and self-publishing books in her 70s. She sent this to all of her children and grandchildren.

I am thinking of writing a new book, Called “The stories I forgot to tell” it would consist of the true stories with you kids over the years. Like when Joanie beat the shit out of that bratty boy in Miami, or when Jay helped me to find out who had thrown all the stones in our house windows in Burlington, so if you have any that you’d like me to include that I might have forgotten- please let me know OK! love you guys, xoxox ma

We Go On, We Live Life

Backstory: My mom died when I was 14.  Reading this site has made me realize that though I don’t have a mom, I do, at least, have her sister, who sets me (and my brother) straight about as often as a mom would.  She’s currently mad that other, out-of-touch family members have said I haven’t “gotten over” the loss.  Anyway, thank you, Post Cards from Yo Momma, for giving me a glimpse into adult mother/daughter relationships.

I just want you to know that I don’t expect to ever get over my sister’s death, and you will never get over your mother’s death.  For anyone to tell you “get over it” is foolish.  It will always be a significant part of your life, and hopefully, the greatest loss you have to suffer.  We go on, we live life, we remember all the good, and we miss her.  We won’t get over it, but the pain lessens and we can feel blessed she was in our lives at all. To this day, even your uncle says it was the saddest time of his life!

Hugs to both of you and Happy Holidays……

Auntie

Halloween History

Backstory: Mom has always been anti-Halloween, but since becoming an empty-nester, she’s loosening up.

Who says I don’t like Halloween? This song is from my generation. 1962. The year of the Seattle World’s Fair (April 21-October 21). Dad and I were in junior high. October 1962 was the month/year of the Cuban blockade. Things were scary. We thought we were going to war with Russia/Cuba. And out came this marvelous song to help release our fears as teens danced to this song and sang it with smiles on their faces. Russia backed down–hooray! We made it to Halloween in one piece. Enjoy this one piece of history, with my love~  Mom

(link to “Monster Mash”)

The Joys of Eight, in One

Backstory: My mom was telling me about how she had to use fertility drugs before getting pregnant with only me – not multiples.

i got all the happiness of eight babies in one. i just wish i could take all of that happiness, roll it into a ball, make it into butter, and spread it on my toast every morning.

I Forgive You

have i told you lately how grateful i am for your existence? i forgive you for that awful labor, the episiotomy and those awful stitches, and even those 5 months of colic.

Pregnancy Math

Backstory: My sister and I were born ten years apart, and my mother had me at a young age. She’s premenopausal and, apparently, gets baby fever when she drinks.

Mom: I was just thinking…I was your sister’s age when I got pregnant with you, and your age when I got pregnant with her. LOL
Me: Ummm….
Mom: What is really weird is we all could be! Well, I know I’m not.
Me: Fortunately I believe neither of your daughters are with child at the moment.

How American Idol is Like High School

Backstory: 1) I go to my mom’s every week for reality TV Tuesday, lately featuring ‘Dancing with the Stars’ and ‘American Idol.’ 2) My mom’s mental list of times she got ripped off by friends/family members/arch rivals dates back to early childhood, with many highlights from her high school heyday.

What do you think of Shawn? Gilles should have won, of course. That seems to be an omen for Adam – underdog Kris will win. Meredith Viera totally said the whole “common knowledge” thing this morning. “Adam is so talented but I just love Kris, he’s so sweet, blah, blah, blah!” It’s that kind of thinking that lost me homecoming queen and Best All Around!

Diagnosis: CRS Syndrome

Me: hi momma
mom: hi daughter
Me: guess what
Mom: what
Me: Chris and i are going to see RENT next wednesday
Mom: RENT makes me cry
Me: why is that
Mom: because it is sad
Me: ur cute.
Mom: have u seen it?
Me: yes… you took me. glad it was memorable
Mom: u are the one who remembers everything…i did drugs in teh 70′s and have CRS (Can’t Remember Shit syndrome)
Me: wow you kill me
Mom: sweetie, i am making light….

Packing List: Birth Control and Sheets

Backstory: I am going on vacation with my boyfriend, and my aunt is letting us use her house since she will be out of the country.

Mom: Did E send you Aunt R’s address?
Me: Yes, I’m so excited! Cheap vacation, woo hoo!!!
Mom: I’m excited for you. Please take your own sheets.
Me: Ummm, ok. Thanks?
Mom: Don’t want any presents left behind…
Me: Eww I get it.
Mom: Also don’t forget your birth control. I love you, but that’s how I got you – forgot to pack bc.
Me: Love you too??

Oh What a Night

Me: Maybe one day I will visit more of the Southern States
Mom: Your father and I went to New Orleans quite a few years back, you should go there, no train though!
Me: Yes, yes, we know the story of how you were on the train for hours getting there and how you had to sit next to one of dad’s co-workers and it was terrible.
Mom: Yes that did happen, and it was terrible.
Me: Anything good happen there?
Mom: You were conceived.
Me: Well how lovely.
Mom: And that was one hell of a night.

You Are Stuck With Me!!!

Hi Baby Girl, How are you doing? Please let me know what’s going on. I know you aced your interview but are you sure you are ready to move? I know how hard change can be. I’m with you all the way in whatever you decide. I had a 5 month old little baby when your dad and I called it quits and it sure didn’t feel good. Somehow we plod ahead and everything falls where it is supposed to. Life is good even when you don’t feel it so be really good to yourself, make a decision and move on and don’t look back. As long as there is breath in me you will never be  alone and even when I go to the great beyond I will be with you always. You  are stuck with me!!! HahHah! Enjoy the day and the ride home. I love you always. Love, MAW

Baby Memories

You did have big cheeks and big eyes, but not so much that it was wierd or ugly.  You were darling!!  Many compared you to the Gerber Baby.

Games People Play

Mom: Great news!
We still have the Snakes ‘n Ladders board game with the kids who do bad things and get punished or who do good things and get rewarded.
Also: We still have Mystery Game!!!
Also, we have a Bert & Ernie puzzle as well as 2 Madeline puzzles!!
Hurray!!

Me: Is this your way of putting a positive spin on having thrown out the rest of our childhood games and puzzles?

You Want Me to be Blogger Mother of the Year?

So it’s not enough that I gave birth to you, raised you as a single parent, organized countless birthday parties, play dates, and sports activities (remember the diving team?), made brownies and science projects, paid for braces and contact lenses, took you trick or treating in the rain, was the Tooth Fairy, Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and Dr. Phil, cooked for you, cleaned up your vomit, decorated your bedroom, took you to the emergency room, paid for 4 years of a private college, watched you die your hair a million different colors, pretended not to mind when you showed up for my 50th birthday with a shaved head, bought you your first car, consoled you throughout your countless relationships, moved you about 12 times (including security deposits-which I never got back!), paid rent when your psycho roommates bounced, bought you outfits for proms, graduations, and interviews, wrote your college essays and resumes…

and now you want me to be blogger mother of the year??????

Photo Album Inspiration

Dearest children,

It came to me at mile 3.4 on the recumbant bike today.  At last:  an inspiration for how to organize the photo albums in a meaningful and fun way.  I’m writing to get your feedback.

What do you think about foregoing traditional approaches to organizing the photos, e.g., chronologically.  Who can remember the dates, anymore, anyway (except Josh, who remembers EVERY date!) ?    My idea is to do theme albums, albums that will tell overarching stories.  An album might be entitled:  “Laurel Avenue”, for instance, and could include a variety of different photos, across the years, that tell the Laurel Avenue story of our family.

What do you think?  Too weird? Too silly?  Let’s hear your voices.

Alright, let’s hear from all of you out there in the studio audience.  And Go Barack!

xoxo, Mom

Girl Talk

Me: Do we still own the game girl talk? With the zit stickers?

Mom: Yes we do.  Laughing now.

Me: Like you’re lol-ing?

Mom: YEP! Why do I feel like a glass of milk right now?



Love, Mom