Dating Up

Backstory: My mom recently ran into a family friend who is older than both her and my father.  I have known him my whole life and think of him as an uncle.

mom: I ran into B today and he was asking about you.

me: well thats nice, how was he?

Mom: he’s fine, I told him you were single.

Me: why would you do a thing like that? You do realize that he is older than you right? And he lives with his mother…

Mom: Well who do you expect to date, 13 year old boys?

Red-Headed Heartbreak

mom: you still upset about that boy not calling you back?
me: yes
mom: well, i’m glad he didn’t. he had red hair.
me: it was auburn.
mom: he had freckles.
me: i liked his freckles.
mom: i don’t want you dating anyone with red hair. i would never be able to enjoy the beach.

Bryant Park, Land of Opportunity

Today I was at a luncheon and the speaker was a man named Dan B—– who has done lots of urban space development….particularly in NYC – and he spoke a lot about Bryant Park – you need to hang out there more!!! Over 5000 people have met their spouses there! They have such wonderful activities – check it out!!

Definition of a Spinster

Backstory: I am having trouble with my boyfriend and accidentally told my mother…

Well yes – men do have a penchant to be ****holes – it’s in their genes.
Believe me – no man is allergic to marriage unless they are gay – and even then.
Marriage is not obligatory these days people happily live together for eternities without being shackled except that you are English and he is American – savvy? to coin a very nice! carribbean pirate’s phrase – as you can guess I have been watching sky movies!!
Anyway, like I say play it cool and hard to get – a bit of flirting does wonders (but be very very careful who you flirt with), as does a complete make-over on the glam stakes (but wait until I get there and we can do it together!)
One has to be very wiley when it comes to men. Are you still coming home for Imogen’s wedding – why don’t you suggest that ********* comes with you – for Devilment? You are already a spinster – being single and all.
Definition – unmarried, single, spinster of the parish etc. and so forth.

Tee hee Tee hee

Mum >< >< ><

Four Generations of Suitors

Backstory: I recently had a break up,and I have had MANY (weird) men take interest in me. This was dear mom’s response.

creepy hat guy may be 50′s!  I think you should get sugar daddies in every age group, starting with 20′s and go up to 50′s. 60 is creepy.  but having 4 generations of suitors may be fun.  Go out 4 nights a week , start the week with the youngest and end the week with the oldest and 3 nights dedicate to you and the cat!

Do You!

Hi Honey,
You will get through this. Keep in touch with your friends and bite your fingers when you start typing emails to him. As they say in the hood –Do you. No man is worth questioning your self worth over – certainly not at 23 when you take care of yourself and don’t need him for jack.
Buy some shoes and kick his ass with it.
Love you

The Scot vs. Rupert Everett

From photos alone I prefer Tom, that is if you asked me which I thought was “cuter”!!!
Ian looks very Scottish – is he? and I don’t like big eyebrows!!!
Tom in the first photo looks like Rupert Everett – and we know how sexy he is!!!

Mind you looks a not at all important it is the person inside that matters and not having met them I cannot comment on that. I have faith in your decision.

This is very creepy.

Love you heaps,

Words Of Romantic Wisdom

All men are shitheads. It’s just the degree of shitheadness that separates one from the other.

Love, Mom