Your cousin’s fiancee’s grandmother died Sunday. The wedding is still on, but they had to bury the woman immediately to accommodate the wedding couple, and the fiancee is said to be devastated. Real bummer.

I got Botoxed today; I get Titaned tomorrow. Plane tomorrow night.

Have a super rest of vacation.

I miss you!

Backstory: My mom just called me with this opener. Since I have skinny legs, it was a pretty big downer. I told her I’d call her back.

Hi hon. I just read an article about how people with skinny thights die of heart disease a lot sooner than people with fat thighs, and it made me think of you.

Backstory: I am a criminal lawyer, and have been since I graduated law school. I got a phone call last week from my mom about preparing a power of attorney.

I asked J to prepare a Springing Power of Attorney for me. That would take effect when a Dr. says I have become incapacitated. Then she could pay my bills, make medical decisions etc. Nothing is wrong with me but just in case the POA would make your lives easier.

When that meteor comes through my roof and I am out of it for three months you will need the POA. LOL

Mom

Children,
Your parents are leaving for Florida tonight:
Islip McArthur on Southwest flight — departing at —– arriving at West Palm Beach (THANK GOD ALMIGHTY) at —-
Returning on Southwest flight — from West Palm Beach(PBI) Wed. at —arriving at Islip at —-.

Should my plane fall from the sky, my will is in my top left hand drawer of my dresser, right on top when you open drawer in a large white envelope.
Love-MOM

Backstory: I e-mailed my mom to tell her that after she went into the great beyond, I was going to turn her into a diamond via lifegem.com.

Heh, a diamond eh? The urn treasure chest costs $700. imagine paying that much for a new, little box. Boy the funeral industry is a rip off! So I figured the stone would be around the same amount. I was absolutely astounded that it ranged from $3500 to $2500. that is twenty-five THOUSAND dollars. I am flabbergasted. If you were to do such a foolish thing, I promise you that I will haunt you! lol
Love forever, mommy

honey,

i just got home from debbie’s mom’s funeral. very nice. they said such nice things about both her mom (what a lady she was and a saint) and debbie (what an attentive daughter she was, blah, blah). anyway, got to thinking, and i want you to speak at my funeral and speak well about me, but also talk about my “real” side, where appropriate. i don’t want to be demonized, nor do i want to be beautified in front of people; i want people to smile, laugh, and feel happy for having known me.

xox
mom