Backstory: My mother in law sent this in an email titled “little advice” after she saw pics of my hubby in my summer photos on facebook.

mom: Sweetheart, if you must take a photo of my baby without a shirt, PLEASE DON’T POST IT.  He looks very big and I worry about him.  Has he gained a lot since last year?  Love, Mom

me: Sure but I guess I will be posting no pics of him then except winter because he is always shirtless in the summer. Also Everyone looks heavier in photos and rest assured he hasn’t put on any weight since last year. He works out religiously and has passed all his check ups. Hope your all well. How are you doing on the quitting smoking? Love, Me

Mother in Law: We are going to see Sarah perform in the Vagina Monologues at the end of the month.
Nothing like watching your daughter have an orgasm on stage.  Can’t wait.

me: hahaha
i suppose better than over hearing one in a different setting

[followed by a long awkward pause, no response.]