Jesus Does Not Approve of Melted Bunnies

Backstory: I was giving my mother the play by play on my successful interview for a barista job. This was her response to how I described my latte art.

Mom: A melted bunny? You are melting bunnies now, you heathen?
Me: and they took the time to interview me..
Me: Yes, mother. I am a bunny melting heathen. That’s your daughter.
Mom: oh Christ. and Easter just around the corner…

Holding Your First Born for Ransom

me: I applied for the job
mom: Yay for you, yay for me!
me: why yay for you?
mom: You owe me like 10k. Im gonna hold your first born hostage til paid in full. Im gonna name it Ardsley. So excited

Dad’s New Goodies

Mom: Dad had his “new employee orientation” yesterday and came home with all sorts of goodies
Mom: like decent health insurance
Mom: and a picture frame

Put On Your Patience Sombrero

Backstory: I recently started a new job and sent my mom an email complaining about my incredibly strange boss.

Ah yes – plays well with others. Much harder as an adult. As I look back at all the freaks I’ve worked with, its definitely better looking back at the situation than being in the middle of it. Put your patience sombrero on and breathe deep. Some people are truly strange and beyond help. I know this is why they made you do group projects in school – to build your frustration tolerance.

Mom’s New Job

Backstory: Mom just started a new temp job after being laid off a few months ago

Mom: So far so good. Off to do my drug test. Woohoo!
Me: Peeing in a cup, does it get any better?
Mom: I’ll let you know how the flow goes :)
Me: Gross

Love, Mom