In Case of Charles Manson

Yesterday i found a crack in the foundation and called a guy from the yellow pages.  He is going to fix it tomorrow or monday or tuesday for a trivial amount of money but he seemed a little strange so just wanted you to know who it is just in case he’s really a serial killer.

The Great Paranoid Pumpkin

Backstory: After a late night out, I let my phone die; apparently, this means that I died too. I really don’t know why she signed this as the Great Pumpkin.


Probably everything is fine and I am just in a panic, but….

I sent out my usual good morning text this morning and there was no reply.  No matter, thought 7  was too early, but there was no reply at 9:30 either.  So I thought I would give you a call, and it went straight to voice mail.

So, you can see that a paranoid person, such as myself, with a vivid imagination, could become worried.

There is probably a logical explanation for this, such as you are busy and your phone is dead.

Just want to make sure you are okay, so can you please send me an email and let me know that you are okay?


The Great Pumpkin

Possibly Paranoid China Travel Advice

Backstory: I am a student going to China for a week; in preparation for the trip, my mom sent periodic instructions about what to do and not to do, which included eating only “candy bars, American candy bars.” Also, I am 28.

While in China:
Don’t drink the water!
Don’t eat the food!
Don’t talk to strangers!
Don’t get near any birds!
But have a good time.

Love, Mom