Thanksgiving Depravity

Backstory: My mother has always snooped around in my affairs and tried to find proof of my depravity, which isn’t hard to do as she disapproves of just about everything, including said “beer drinking.” This was by far her best! (Yes, she is now blocked from my FB page).

Mom: I went to facebook and when I scrolled down it had a list of Hallmark Social Calendar events. One of the events was a “Thanksgiving Eve” party which included beer drinking, battle of the sexes, and what sounded like sexual activities.
Me: Explain your message.  It’s a good thing I have counseling today so I can take this with me.
Mom: In regard to the sexual activities, it listed CORNHOLE. When we were growing up, that meant anal intercourse.  I don’t know what it means now.  I should have asked if you went.

Mexican Bean Dip Extravaganza

Didn’t check my email yesterday-getting ready  to go now so I don’t have time to look up recipes but off the top of my head….Take a can of veggie chili and lite cream cheese (8oz) heat together until cheese is melted. Voila-chili cheese dip!! Serve with baked chips. Or soften 8 oz cream cheese, spread in 11×7 pan (or on a dinner plate or an 8×8 or a 9x9pan), next layer ff refried beans, then some mashed avocado or guacamole, then sour cream, then lettuce, then some chopped tomato, then a bit of green onion. Surprise layered Mexican bean dip!! to make the beans a bit easier to spread, heat them slightly and mix a couple spoons of salsa in them. You can also put some salsa on top of the sour cream layer then the rest of the stuff. Be sure its a thick salsa though.

Ok-Gotta run-feel free to call and relieve me of the craziness. We’ll be back home on Monday late afternoon.


Facebook Hoes?

Me: There was something I forgot to tell you earlier and now I can’t remember at all…
Mom: about the party? money?  Facebook hoes ?

That Could Lead to Quite a Show

Backstory: I was going to a wedding and couldn’t decide what dress to wear. Fortunately, my mother had a few sound words of advice…

Dear J,
I really liked the dress you bought yesterday. The fit was terrific. However, before you wear it, please try it on during the day for H to make sure it isn’t too see through. One more thing – if you decide to use pantyhose without underpants – be careful not to catch the bouquet because the guy who catches the garter will have to put the garter on your leg while you are sitting down. That could lead to quite a show.

Have fun!


Inauguration Day Plans!

Backstory: My mother has been waiting for this day for 8 years and has invited everyone who can’t get to D.C.

Here is the agenda for the day:
(Please note that the agenda can be changed at any time due to the Hostess’ mood)
Stop in anytime after 11:00 AM
Brunch with soup and quiche
snacks and more snacks (cheeses, paté, dips, shrimp and whatever else I feel like making)
Champagne at the swearing in
Flag raising after the swearing in. ( I just bought a new flag)
Champagne toast for the flag raising
Photos with an almost real Obama Food and snacks while watching the parade.
Obama Triva
Champagne toast for the parade
Dinner with Pork Roast (no pun intended) and whatever else I feel like cooking
snacks champagne toast for the Inaugural Balls
Watch the Balls and eat cheese, drink wine and maybe go crazy and dance. (Ball room gown not required)
Champagne toast for the Obama’s first dance
Hey I even got an extra TV so we can be anywhere in the house and watch the festivities.


OMG: I have to buy a lot of champagne.

You Can’t Handle the Meth

Mom: So what are you doing for New Year’s Eve?

Me: Heading to Cleveland with some friends.

Mom: Are you going to the Flats?

Me: No, probably heading to the Warehouse District.

Mom: Is that in the Flats?

Me: No, it’s in the Warehouse district.

[lingering inactivity]

Mom: Is that where they do the meth parties?

Me: What now?

Mom: Meth Parties. I heard there are all sorts of meth parties up in Cleveland.

Me: No, no meth parties.

Mom: Just promise me you won’t go to any meth parties. You can’t handle meth.

Me: I promise.

ULTIMATE PARTY (meatballs)


I was on the website to look for an appetizer meatball recipe which I had seen in a magazine and I thought it looked good.

It’s called Ultimate party meatballs

2 1-pound bags of frozen pre-cooked cocktail-size meatballs (about64)
1 16-oonce can Ocean Spray jellied cranberry sauce
1 12- ounce bottle Heinz Chili sauce.

Combine cranberry sauce and chili sauce in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat stirring until smooth.
Add meatballs, stir gently to coat. Cook 12-15 minutes. Place in slow cooker to keep warm.

Love and hugs,


Doesn’t That Sound Like Fun!

am bringing home two different boards, a science board and a yard sale board, I need to make a poster for Linda’s 40th birthday and was wondering if you might help me (being the teacher part of you).

I want to attach bras to it and say Happy 40th Birthday from your Bosom Buddies.

Doesn’t that sound like fun! Do you have any big markers?

Love, Mom