Morning Run, Sans Bra

There’s just nothing like running around the neighborhood, in the wind, in your stained robe, with your braless boobs bouncing down to your waist looking for your husband and a runaway dog.  Yes, Whimsy pulled herself off the leash and had an early morning run.  She is now back home, looking very proud of herself, with all of us starving for some breakfast and a good stiff drink.

Holidays at Grandpa’s House

Backstory: Splash is their new bichon frise

Grandpa gave us a personal tour of his nude art collection with the latest addition from Paris & Splash pissed 3 times in the living room.

On Breaking Up

So glad to hear that you have dinner plans with friends tonight.  You know enough to try to keep busy. But, living alone, one cannot always  talk to someone else–on the other hand, you can talk to yourself.  I think I do that sometime.  Lady used to get up and look at me like “are you talking to me?”  and I realized I was talking to myself.  Perhaps you need a pet, naah–too much care.

Of Kilts and Dead Birds

Backstory: My parents were getting ready for a funeral where my dad (being a Scotsman) had decided to wear his kilt. They also have 5 cats.

your father is driving me mad. Cannot find tie- in wardrobe on tie rack. Cannot find sporran and socks- in sporran and sock drawer. Cannot find shoes- in corner beside his side of the bed. Additionally found long dead bird in shoe. Aaaargg.

Mom/pill pusher

Backstory: My parents’ dog has been really sick and not eating lately, so I emailed Mom to see how he’s doing. Clearly, she is more worried about this dog than she ever was about her human child.

Hadn’t eaten one bite of anything until just now.  I heated up a scrambled egg I’d made for him this morning.  Ate about half of it.  He threw up in the night and then again this morning after our walk.  Dr. N called a while ago.  I’m now to give him Prednisone 2 x a day, back on Pepcid 2 x a day, along with all the other meds.  Also, tomorrow I’m going to Whole Foods to find a special type of Magnesium for him to take.  His Mag is low, which Dr thought was because he wasn’t eating, but it could be low and that’s why he’s not eating.  Chicken and egg???

Chat with you tonight.

Mom/pill pusher

Terminal Cuteness

Backstory: My mom is a retired psychiatrist and often informally diagnoses those around her.  Sophie and Joey are our dogs and today Joey was the lucky recipient of her diagnostic ability.

Joey was  beside himself with jealousy, trying his best to disrupt the game of tug-of-war between your father and Sophie. Joey suffers from multiple diagnoses, among them: attachment disorder and narcissistic disorder (along with terminal cuteness, of course.)

On Today’s Episode of “Rodent Madness”

there is a mouse in the fireplace. how did he get there? how do we get him out? stay tuned for tomorrow’s episode of “rodent madness.” for now, i piled up bags of kitty litter in front of the fireplace doors and taped the doors shut so it can’t get out.

Your Hat Looks Like Cat Puke

Where did that hat come from,  when I saw it on the stairs yesterday am (I had just got out of bed) I thought it was cat throw up – its the same color – I thought the cat was really sick – couldnt see it was a hat till I was right up to it.  I think I need glasses.

Pivotal Information

Mum: Columbus just pooed on the floor!
Me: Why would I want to know that!
Mum: Needed to share it! About to make cheese straws!

How Dogs Are Like Their Owners

Everyone loves my dog because he’s nice and easy to get a long with because I’m nice and easy to get along with. Your sister’s dog is mean and weird because she’s mean and weird. And your dog is hyper as shit, but he doesn’t mean anything by it, he’s a sweet little dog.

Old Dog Blues

Backstory: Our 14 year old beagle Snickers is nearly blind, deaf, incontinent, and has a slew of age and anxiety related disorders…this email came along with a creepy pic of Snicky staring off into space, looking like she’s thinking about eating your head.

Here’s a pic of Snicky at the Vet for consult to change all her Meds. The long staring into space like  we know her to exhibit are related to decreased cognitive function they say… Or as papa george Says: She Has. The HAMMER.
Snickers would say hi if she could remember who you were!
Love you girls

Watch out for Spike

Me: When I pick up the cake where should I put it?
Mom: just make room in the freezer in the garage – just watch out for Spike
Me: I’m sorry, Spike the cat?
Mom: yes, he died
Me: he died in the freezer??
Mom: No he died in the yard – but we can’t bury him yet the ground is frozen.
Me: so you put the DEAD CAT in the freezer?
Mom: Oh stop whining – I liked that cat. All we keep in there is sodas and stuff.

Exciting Weekend Plans

We’re heading to WalMart shortly in order to buy tweezers, so we can remove a tick from the dog’s face. After that, I suspect the rest of the day will be anti-climactic, especially if Daddy finds the type of pocket combs he favors.

Granddog Update

Well, how long do I have to wait for a picture of my new granddog??? How is he doing? Who is taking him out the most? Are his poops manageable?

It Is Bitching Cold Here!

it is bitching cold here. Well below zero F. And that is, shall we say, shit-ee.
Anyway, Schatz, just wanted to say Hi. Fell in the creek yesterday, on the coldest day, Just up to my knees, and, I figured, anyone that stupid has to keep on walking. Which I did. My pants froze immediately and they were clanking while I walked. the dogs were very interested in the sound. really weird.
Love ya lots

Guess She Is Maturing

Dear Daughter,

Yesterday for the first time I observed Agatha pooping outside and covering it up.  I mention this because it has not been so clear to me that she knew to do this.  I have known her to beg to get inside to use the litter box.  Guess she is maturing.

We also have a pair of very stupid nesting robins hanging around the house.  They think their reflection in the windows and doors is another robin invading their territory, so they are constantly pecking at the glass — also pooping under the glass and dropping twigs and other nesting material.  I hope they tire of this soon.  I had heard of this happening, and now I know it’s true.

Maybe a stupid cat will catch a stupid robin?


I Think We May Have To Move Out

There are twelve days of Christmas for a good reason! So, don’t stress about presents. We have a major problem here with a squirrel who fell down the living room chimney and is wedged behind a metal damper. The fire chief has been here and an animal control officer who lowered a trap down from the top, not him personally because he weighs 300 pounds, but that was two days ago and the animal is still there, moaning. It’s awful and I can’t go in the living room so no T.V., no plant time and no piano. Your father is planning to borrow a gun to shoot down from the top of the chimney tomorrow or I think we may have to move out. Love, Mum

Dad’s Epic Cat Convo

Backstory: Oreo is the 17-year-old cat that owns my parents. And she did indeed send a picture, and it’s Oreo sitting on their bed, wearing her latest big blue post-surgery collar.

Mom: you should hear the discussion dad and oreo are having right now.
we’re in bed and she just came in, went straight to dad’s side of the bed and started talking to him
Me: awwwww
Mom: he replied,’i;m not feeding you anymore tonight.’ and she answered and now they’re going back and forth
Me: how long can they keep this up?
Mom: longer than you’d think! just sent you a pix


Backstory: My mom’s kind of obsessed with the wild turkeys in our neighborhood, but they hadn’t been coming around much anymore until…


I was very happy to see them safe and sound

now didn’t that make your day?

purrfectly fine.

Everything is fine – I’m bringing Charlie to the vet today, he was throwing up alot yesterday, but acts purrfectly fine. Just a precaution. When I called to make the appointment yesterday I felt like a bad mother when I said he had never been to a vet before.

I’ll let you know what they say. We bought a cat carrier for him and Dad offered to take him to my office for me so I wouldn’t have to go pick him up first. I would love to be a fly on the wall watching him put fat boy in the carrier (which is kind of small for him) :) :)

Talk to you later.

Love, Mom