Yes, your father & I will attend your wedding.  Many have received their invitation and have mentioned it to me, so they have been successfully delivered.  Hopefully you are getting a good response on your end.

I hope your two broken arms and sprained fingers heal soon so that you may telephone us once again.

Sigh.

Love you!

Mom

Backstory: My mom complains that I don’t call home enough, but she calls me even less. So when she actually did call once, and I didn’t call back, this was the result.

What’s a mother to do?  I buy you a phone.  I pay your telephone bill.  But can Miss High and Mighty Doctoral Student return a poor mother’s message? No way.  How dare an insignificant mother impinge on the important daughter’s time.  All that this mother had done- scrubbed floors, made unique designer clothes, cooked healthful meals is no matter.  Madame daughter is too busy.  Sorry I have to stop now I have an appointment with my lawyer to change my will.  Mom

Yeah, I think I accidentally speed-dialed you. I had my phone in my pocket and then heard this voice and it was a voice mail message. I then saw it was you I dialed so I just hung it up. Sorry about that! That pays us even for the time you dialed me with your phone in your purse while you were at a bar and I spent 5 minutes saying “Hello…hello” because I thought maybe you were being raped and had sneakily called me so I could call 911.