Postcards From Yo Momma » phone calls

Today’s List

Postcards From Yo Momma — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 16:00:42 +0000

Backstory: My mother thinks she has a poor memory, so she writes lists of things she needs to talk to me about, and sends them to me. This was today’s complete list.

Depression, Back problems, Bi-Polar, mood swings, unkind words, lack of reality, oblivious to financial responsibilities. Strange talk. No, not me!!!

So It’s Not the Phone?

Postcards From Yo Momma — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 15:00:15 +0000

Backstory: My mother calls. I have no voice, so I ignore the call and text her back. She responds by text.

Me: Can’t talk, I have no voice. I’m sick.
Mom: Don’t you have another phone?
Me: It doesn’t matter, I can’t talk. I don’t have a voice.
Mom: so why don’t you talk on your other phone.
Me: because I have no voice.
Mom: why is that phone broken too?
Me: the phones are fine, I just don’t have a voice. I can’t talk. I’m sick.
Mom: so it’s not the phone.
Me: no. I’m sick, I have no voice.
Mom: oh. hope your fever gets better.

I Just Called to Say I Love You….

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 17:00:05 +0000

Me: I love you mom!
Mom: What’s wrong?
Me: nothing just wanted to tell you i loved you.
Mom: So your not going to kill yourself?
Me: 0_o

I Hope Your Two Broken Arms Heal Soon

Postcards From Yo Momma — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 16:30:20 +0000

Yes, your father & I will attend your wedding. Many have received their invitation and have mentioned it to me, so they have been successfully delivered. Hopefully you are getting a good response on your end.

I hope your two broken arms and sprained fingers heal soon so that you may telephone us once again.

Sigh.

Love you!

Mom

Pie Holes and Miracles

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 17:30:58 +0000

Backstory: My mom has a few outdoor cats, and one of them, Lucky, had been missing for a few days, so she was really worried.
Mom: Call me on my cell
Me: I would, but Chris just called me
Mom: Really??? I need to tell you about Lucky
Me: is she ok?
Mom: Yep…but I need to tell you about how I rescued her. I think it is a miracle story
Me: I can call you if Chris gets off the phone before you go to bed.
Mom: I will probably be up for another 30 minutes at least. Tell Chris to shut his pie hole…haha

Attn: Miss High and Mighty Doctoral Student

Postcards From Yo Momma — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:07:36 +0000

Backstory: My mom complains that I don’t call home enough, but she calls me even less. So when she actually did call once, and I didn’t call back, this was the result.

What’s a mother to do? I buy you a phone. I pay your telephone bill. But can Miss High and Mighty Doctoral Student return a poor mother’s message? No way. How dare an insignificant mother impinge on the important daughter’s time. All that this mother had done- scrubbed floors, made unique designer clothes, cooked healthful meals is no matter. Madame daughter is too busy. Sorry I have to stop now I have an appointment with my lawyer to change my will. Mom

Now We’re Even

Postcards From Yo Momma — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:12:37 +0000

Yeah, I think I accidentally speed-dialed you. I had my phone in my pocket and then heard this voice and it was a voice mail message. I then saw it was you I dialed so I just hung it up. Sorry about that! That pays us even for the time you dialed me with your phone in your purse while you were at a bar and I spent 5 minutes saying “Hello…hello” because I thought maybe you were being raped and had sneakily called me so I could call 911.

Calling Grandma

Postcards From Yo Momma — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 14:32:52 +0000

Mom: I called your grandmother and she answered with “Hi! How ARE you doing!”, then I said “Mom, it’s me.” She dropped the act then and responded with “oh…”

Me: I’m sorry, well she is going deaf, she doesn’t know who she is talking to most of the time.

Mom: It’s okay, one day I’ll do it to you.