Not-So-Subtle Fertility Advice
Backstory: I am neither pregnant nor trying.
Make sure youre taking 400 micrograms of folic acid daily, critical to fertility and fetal development. xoxoxoxo
Burying the Lede
Backstory: I received this letter my second year of college, after a false rumor was spreading around my hometown about a possible impregnation of my girlfriend. I saved it for posterity.
Here is the insurance card for your car. I didn’t think you would be home before it was due.
I heard what the rumor was up at the school. I only hope if that ever happens we hear it from you first. Also I hope if you’re having sex you are using condoms or some sort of protection. That’s all I’m saying on that subject.
No much happening here…cold and dreary today. I’m washing clothes and need to do some baking so I’d better get moving.
Take care
Love,
Mom
Are You Sure You’re Not Pregnant?
Backstory: I got a big tattoo on my back, and my mother was always against tattoos. So, naturally I was very nervous to tell her, and did not tell her about it for a month or so. Also, I recently broke off my engagement, and was single at the time, which she constantly talked about.
Me: Mom, there is something I have to tell you.
Mom: Are you getting married?
Me: No, just listen. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, and it is very important to me.
Mom: You are pregnant!
Me: No, mom
Mom: You have a boyfriend!
Me: Mom, i’m trying to tell you something!
Mom: You already got married?
Me: NO!
Mom: So you are pregnant!
Me: OH MY GOD MOM! I GOT A TATTOO!
Me: Mom?
Mom: I thought you were pregnant. Are you sure you’re not pregnant?
Today in Mom News: Does Motherhood Affect Memory?
We’re going to try something new here at Postcards–every day or so we’re going to throw in a piece of mom-related news just to keep things interesting and provoke discussion. Today, via Lisa Belkin’s Motherlode blog at the New York Times, does motherhood affect…wait what was I typing? Oh yes! Memory! This common malady is also known as “baby brain” or “mumnesia,” but a new study shows that moms are just as forgetful as non-moms. The only time cognitive function declines for women is in very late pregnancy. For the moms: Did you find that you were more forgetful while you were preggo? For the daughters: did your moms forget everything they didn’t write down? [New York Times]
Quintessential Mom Advice
I think you should visit Europe in the Spring. They have lousy weather in the winter. I also think you should try to have a baby. Love Mom
Pumpkin Carving In Utero
Backstory: My sister’s baby is due in March. It is still in her uterus.
Hi!
I picked up two medium pumpkins today, in case you feel like carving them when you’re here. And I got one little bitty one for the baby! Hee, hee!
It’s Baby Time!
Backstory: My husband (M) and I are graduating from grad school in May… and we’ve been married for a little over 3 years…
Mom: You and M should treat yourself to a baby for graduation!
Me: Great… a lifelong committment, just what we need… we’re doing a vacation.
Mom: That’s perfect! That’s exactly what you need!
Me: Mom, that’s horrifying.
Mom: What, I didn’t say it…
Me: Saying it and subliminally hinting to it are the same thing.
Mom: Well… you *are* married… a vacation without birth control would be perfect!
The Joys of Eight, in One
Backstory: My mom was telling me about how she had to use fertility drugs before getting pregnant with only me – not multiples.
i got all the happiness of eight babies in one. i just wish i could take all of that happiness, roll it into a ball, make it into butter, and spread it on my toast every morning.
Conception Calculations
Backstory: My parents were engaged through their senior year of college, and got married the June right after graduation. I was born the following January, and turned out to be quite the partier.
So there is this calculator that determines when you were conceived. Jacqui was conceived on 4-9-84, Justine was conceived
12-10-85 and Craig was conceived 10-7-89. Wow Jac I was really drinking in April thank God you are normal!!!!!!!!
Pregnancy Math
Backstory: My sister and I were born ten years apart, and my mother had me at a young age. She’s premenopausal and, apparently, gets baby fever when she drinks.
Mom: I was just thinking…I was your sister’s age when I got pregnant with you, and your age when I got pregnant with her. LOL
Me: Ummm….
Mom: What is really weird is we all could be! Well, I know I’m not.
Me: Fortunately I believe neither of your daughters are with child at the moment.
Speaking of Babies…
Backstory: My mom sends me funny videos while I’m at work on an almost daily basis. Today’s video was a crying baby and a whining dog.
Me: That’s so cute! The baby stops crying every time the dog starts whining!
Mom: Speaking of babies… you received a box of baby formula samples in the mail yesterday… anything you want to tell me?
Me: Um…no. Why the heck would I get baby formula samples? Weird. Feel free to toss them.
P.S. If I was pregnant and trying to hide it from you, I wouldn’t have baby formula sent to your house instead of mine.
Take the Baby Video Hint
Me: you keep sending me videos of babies
Mom: i have to go
sorry
me: ha it’s okay
Mom: take a hint why don’t you?
me: duly noted
Mom: ok, that will be the only one i give
me: the one with the dads doing the diapers makes me laugh
Mom: the emails aren’t intended to be hints
me: it’s okay if you want grandkids
Mom: i know
i’m not dying for them
me: i know
Mom: i just don’t want it to become too late
me: i think we’re still okay
Mom: well, i’ll talk with you later
Things to do Before the Apocalypse
If the world is ending in 2012, somebody better make me a grandma in plenty of time to let me enjoy it. (Don’t tell your sister this.) :)
Sis in the Family Way
Me: the younger sister is pregnant?
Mom: yes.
Me: why didnt she use birth control like meee? haaha
Mom: oh my god
