That is a lot of good news! I’m glad you are settling-in…. J
ESL for Peace corps sounds perfect for meeting your teaching requirement. Americorps sounds too good to be true since you get to stay in school and still get the benefits! And I know you’ll love the yoga job since you are still trying to meet your life goal of kicking yourself in the face. Boyfriends with jobs are always better than boyfriends without.
Call when you can can’t wait to hear all of the outcomes. Glad Chirpy is not suicidal.
That is a lot of good news! I’m glad you are settling-in…. J
Seems like a while since we chatted, How are you doing. I am really looking forward to seeing you next week. Dad has not booked a hotel yet but we should either get one near the wedding reception or near you.
I ordered a new dress I hope you like it.
Are you taking good care of yourself. Eating right and getting your exercise /That will help you deal with all the ups and downs in life. Also if you had unprotected sex with J. or anyone K. you should always get tested for std’s as many people have them and don’t know.It can cause sterility as well as a host of problems.
Backstory: My parents have a home office complete with printer. I occasionally ask my mom to print things off for me. In this instance I wanted a recipe for ginger cookies to impress my new guy.
This business is not here to pay your printing costs that are incurred for no other reason than to further your chances of getting that boy bedded and wedded. HA HA HA….. always wanted to say that to one of my daughters. DONE!
Backstory: mom is recently single and just scheduled her first date on match.com
PS Boy emailed me and is going to call at noon and we might go out tonight. Sooooo
· It will probably be dinner what should I wear
· If I invite him in for coffee or a drink will he think we are having sex?
· I don’t have coffee or the makings, can I say tea?
· Since it is after work how hard to I have to work on my hair and make up.
So, just tell me one thing – are you back together with Josh?
Just so I know if I should hang myself tonight or tomorrow.
Backstory: My mom and I are conspiring to get my brother to apply for a perfect-for-him internship at an organic nursery.
By the way if you tell Matt there will be hippy chicks working at this nursery he might be interested! For some reason he likes women with hairy arm pits…go figure!
Me: This is my new favorite quote
Me: “I need to change. Since I was 15 I’ve either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy. I have not given myself two weeks of a breather just to deal with myself. “- Eat,Pray, Love
Mom: Who wrote that? You?
Mom: Eat, Pray, Love -What is that?
Mom: ARE YOU JOINING A CULT?
Backstory: I was whining to my mom about feeling neglected by my boyfriend(who I live with) who is an accountant and obviously quite busy this time of year. I am an only child. My mom is the oldest of three. We sometimes have a hard time understanding each other because of this.
Mom: IT IS TIME TO GROW UP AND ADJUST TO THE KIND OF BUSINESS HE IS IN. HE ALSO IS PROBABLY PRE-OCCUPIED AND NOT LISTENING BECAUSE HE HAS SO MUCH ON HIS MIND. LEFT BRAINED PEOPLE ARE NOT WELL ADJUSTED PEOPLE. THEY CAN ONLY DO ONE THING AT A TIME.
Me: LOL You’re right.
Mom: ACCOUNTANTS ARE DULL AND BORING PEOPLE. YOU HAVE BEEN THE CENTER OF ATTENTION FOR A LONG TIME. PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND GET OVER IT.I WAS NEVER THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. BIRTH ORDER!!!!
Mom: I think the guy at starbucks likes you.
Me: Ew. We call him Jethro – cause he’s dumb.
Mom: I can’t listen to you say mean things. Don’t call him Jethro – he’s cute.
Me: He’s on drugs.
Mom: Well, I don’t want you mixed up with someone on drugs.
Me: But you want me mixed up with a barista!? Do you want me to have to bring your grandchildren to live with you after my barista/drug dealer husband leaves us????
Oh, what a Mensch ….. Honey, you’ve been seeing that bum long enough. He promises you the world but never delivers.
My girlfriend is on Jdate and thinks this guy, “Jedigolf” would be great for you.
PLEASE, make Mom happy, at least look at him.
Backstory: I’m working on a Ph.D. in Medieval History. My mother despairs of me meeting “nice boys”. When I met a promising chap at a Chaucer lecture, she wanted all the details.
Mom: By the way what is [he] studying ….is he also history?
me: no, philosophy
influence of medieval ideas on twentieth-century thought
Mom: Ah…..and yet can discuss Jane Austen too! A little scary, no?
me: only in a good way
and it’s kind of mutual
Mom: oh goody…
me: so the Nerd Scores are even ;)
Mom: Ha! I forgot that part of the “list”…
“Matching Nerd Score!”
me: yes, it’s very important
Backstory: I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months and I haven’t brought him to meet my grandparents yet. My grandmother, who likes to use big words that I have to look up, is starting to get pretty peeved with me about this.
You can tell the boy the truth….we’d like to meet him! Or you can prevaricate and tell him I can’t seem to get my email address book to work properly, which isn’t really a prevarication, prevaricator.
Mom: Darling, I was just talking to Ms. X the neighbor and we realize you have never brought a boy home to meet us. So I just want you to know, I will fully support you and love you if you are a lesbian.
Me: Not a lesbian, stop talking to nosy neighbors, this nuttiness is why I don’t bring men home to meet you.
Me: Soooo….the boy that I met through Sara…ya know – remember? I’ve been talking to him a little and I think I kinda like him. We’re hanging out next week.
Mom: YAY! Is ‘hanging out’ a new phrase for going out on a date?
Me: Yeah….. “hanging out” is what guys say now for everything…
Mom: SOOOOO glad I’m not 25! SOOOOO glad!
Backstory: I broke up with my girlfriend after 7 years.
Mom: Ommm, how are you feeling, Dear? Are you very depressed?
Me: I’m doing all right, mom.
Mom: Do you still keep contact with her? Do you two occassionally speak?
Me: Yeah, sometimes.
Mom: Then tell her to return my Tupperware plastic boxes, will you?
you should marry someone not because you think there isn’t anyone else out there, but because you love THAT person. like, if you had a cupcake, you would want to share it with him.
Backstory: My 15 yr old niece is “in love” for the first time. She lives with my Mom so she’s been keeping me updated.
Me: So what’s it like to observe unjaded, unscarred young love blossom?
Mom: Mostly, I just feel sorry for them.
Mom: How was dinner?
Me: Good I think. I just have a hard time reading him and whether he’s really interested in me or not.
Mom: Well is he physical?
Me: Like physically affectionate? Yes.
Mom: That’s a good sign.
Me: Yeah, but that could also mean he is just trying to get into my pants.
Mom: You know dear, sometimes it’s okay to have a relationship that is “mutually satisfying.”
Me: Wait, are you talking about being f*** buddies?
Mom: Just think about it honey. Your mother loves you!
Backstory: apparently my mom really does think I’m the only 27 currently not in a relationship.
Hey, did you by any chance write an inquirey about a 27 year old who has never had a serious relationship? I read it in the new ELLE and immediately thought of you. I’ll save it for you to read.
How are things going?
Love xoxoxoxoxox and God bless you, Mom
Backstory: I share an apt with my brother, who doesn’t date much. He did not know my conservative parents were in town and asleep in the guest room when he brought the girl he’s been seeing over to spend the night. My Mom texted me about 5 min after they left early the next morning.
Mom: Dad says there is a GIRL asleep in your brother’s room! Just thought you would like to know so that you aren’t alarmed when you get up. There’s a GIRL in there.
Me: It’s probably Jenny. Does she have blonde hair?
Mom: Dad says reddish. Maybe strawberry blonde.
Me: Yes that’s her.
Mom: Oh. So you’ve met this Jenny girl? She actually exists?!?
Me: Briefly, yes. She seems nice.
Mom: Interesting. He’s so secretive about this kind of stuff so I just wondered. You know, if she existed.
Me: Mmm hmm
Mom: Well I just thought you should know there’s a girl in there. You can go back to sleep now.