Hey, I know you are in love.. but what about us???? We look forward to hearing from you…don’t stop calling us….

OMG- you and your brother are the same about Michael P- I am so not tired of watching a possible lifetime achievement- your brother thinks it would be funny if he loses!!!!!!!!!  Mens gymnastics was ok if you were from China-Yes the USA did well considering but that last event on the horse almost lost [...]

mom: IS THIS THE NEW GIRLFRIEND???? SHES CUTE
me: yes, it is
me: and she’s jewish!
mom: SHE LOOKS IT I WAS GOING TO ASK YAY. SHE LOOKS NICER THAN THE OTHER ONES…
me: MOM!
mom: OK PRETEND I DIDNT SAY THAT. I DONT EVEN WANT TO MEET HER BECAUSE YOULL JUST BREAK UP SOON ANYWAY
me: mom!!
mom: HAHA ENOUGH FOR [...]

I have not been able to get ahold of your brother.  Haven’t talked to him in over a week.  Last night he called to say he was in town.  I told him great because the guest room was all clean and ready.  Then, he informed me that he would be staying with his girlfriend.  I [...]

FYI: I just heard on the radio that Hoboken is the largest city with the most single residents. Hee hee

Honey, honestly, don’t you think it’s about time that pseudoboyfriend be moved up in status to boyfriend.  What’s with this, “wait until i come back to school in the Fall?” Does he think someone better is coming along in the meanwhile? Hmmm?  Doesn’t he know that YOU ARE THE FRIGGIN BEST? I should know.  I [...]

To mail back the RSVP card.  The bride might need to tell a caterer at least two weeks ahead of time how many people to make food for.
I thought you read bridal magazines.  Maybe not.
Mom

Backstory: while on a recent business trip to Baton Rouge my mom emailed me an engagement announcement she saw of someone I used to know….
Why, you may well ask, was I reading the wedding announcements in the NY Times?  Don’t panic, I haven’t completely lost it and I’m NOT turning into a Jewish mother who [...]

Backstory: I was telling my mother that she needed to get into Internet dating.
I hate internet dating.  All the men want to cuddle and take walks in the rain.  Do you know what my hair looks like when it’s wet?

Hi concentrate on work and Oprah today talk about you, you are the full monty the whole picture and guys are scared off by u
Just listen and talk less, make an effort
Do not play one up, U definitely do, if he says i have 5 bucks you think asshole I have $500
Men read this and [...]

This is just a word to the wise and I am sending this so you can read this at your leisure. I need you to be careful as well of older men because they look wiser and all but they are sneaky too. How old do you think your dad was?? heh heh 13 years [...]

It’s kind of nice for the ego - that he called, right? Just remember not to give him the “power stick”. Also, you are the one who broke things off - staying friends is nice and you never know …he might introduce you to my son-in-law!!!
Call me after your lunch!
Love you,
Mom
XOXOXO

me: I feel fat.
mom: It’s Jordan’s fault. Dump him.
me: hahahahaha I love you
mom: Are you going out with the wannabe-stalker tonight?
me: yes
mom: Well just remember, he makes you fat.

Backstory: this email is a response from my mother -in-law as to why she broke up with her boyfriend.

Gus is hungarian and was bought up w/gypsy magic. he is too into ghosts, witches and that shit. it all scares me. i just left a message on his phone and wished him [...]

me: There’s a woman on the internet who crocheted her own wedding dress
mom: Oh, did she crochet the groom, too?
mom: There’s an idea - knit yourself a boyfriend!

hi honey,
the shoes are amazing! they’ll be the answer with a simple black dress. i also adore the beige shoes. perfect with your new h&m dress. did i even get a glimse in the background of a beautiful beige jacket with gold buttons????
baba saw the shoes and said, “pali psila!” [Note: This is Greek for [...]

I’ve continued to think about our conversation last night and want more answers…..because I am your MOM and want to know! So the likelyhood of ever getting back together again is:
5) Never
4) I would consider it
3) She would consider it
2) Both of us would consider it at sometime in the future
1) I am just [...]