Backstory: Mom works at a university with a young Greek fella she thinks would be a good match for me, and she emailed me to announce his recent return from vacation. When talking to me, she refers to him oh-so-discreetly as “Greek Salad.”

Saw him and said “Welcome back.” His voice is a bit high but I doubt he is gay since I saw him almost lose his eyeballs looking at a female student with olive skin and long dark, straight hair. Of course, he could just be trying to see if he knew her. He is so committed to causes and good works; he is Saint Salad.

Backstory: This is an email I got from my mother talking about a man I have a crush on but have not yet found the strength to speak to him.

You certainly don’t want to stand back and watch someone else walk out with that sweater you thought you might like to try on.  It’s also really irritating to keep running into someone wearing that sweater — if you never had the chance to see if it was a good fit or not.   If that happens, one can waste time wondering if it would have fit, and then waste more time looking for something similar, and even obsess about it  - rather than resuming “shopping” & maybe even checking out a different Mall.  There are some great things out there.

If it were only all that easy —  could be why so many are checking out shopping online these days.

Love you,
Mom

Backstory: I met an English guy while out clubbing this weekend, and texted my mom about it. she had also recently sent me some Italian chocolates, so i guess it was a twofold meaningful text.

Don’t be blinded by the english accent, you weenie!! love you and hope you enjoy the chocolate.

Backstory: I am having trouble with my boyfriend and accidentally told my mother…

Well yes – men do have a penchant to be ****holes – it’s in their genes.
Believe me – no man is allergic to marriage unless they are gay – and even then.
Marriage is not obligatory these days people happily live together for eternities without being shackled except that you are English and he is American – savvy? to coin a very nice! carribbean pirate’s phrase – as you can guess I have been watching sky movies!!
Anyway, like I say play it cool and hard to get – a bit of flirting does wonders (but be very very careful who you flirt with), as does a complete make-over on the glam stakes (but wait until I get there and we can do it together!)
One has to be very wiley when it comes to men. Are you still coming home for Imogen’s wedding – why don’t you suggest that ********* comes with you – for Devilment? You are already a spinster – being single and all.
Definition – unmarried, single, spinster of the parish etc. and so forth.

Tee hee Tee hee

Mum >< >< ><

Have a fun nooner – but I have to tell you that it is a good thing you and [boyfriend] aren’t going to make a lifetime of it. He is waaay too young to be so sexually high maintenance. Are you sure he isn’t gay? Maybe he has a heart condition that he doesn’t know about. Maybe he should see a doctor. XO Mom

Backstory: I recently had a break up,and I have had MANY (weird) men take interest in me. This was dear mom’s response.

creepy hat guy may be 50′s!  I think you should get sugar daddies in every age group, starting with 20′s and go up to 50′s. 60 is creepy.  but having 4 generations of suitors may be fun.  Go out 4 nights a week , start the week with the youngest and end the week with the oldest and 3 nights dedicate to you and the cat!

Backstory: My mom was upset that my fiance complained about taking me to the doctor.  I have a condition and I can’t drive myself right now.

He is supposed to be your partner, right?  your future husband?  You have a medical problem and he needs to be there for you and too damn bad if it’s inconvenient for him or takes him out of his way.  that’s what he’s supposed to do.  Who else out there can you depend on if not him?  I don’t care if he’s tired or put out, he should be doing these things because he loves you and he is concerned for your safety and health.  You would do the same and much more for him and I know you already have, my dear.  He needs to grow up, I know you don’t need to hear this right now, but this is the kind of thing that makes me angry when I am already worried about you and hate that you are so far away for me to help you.  Ok, I’m done.  Not quite, he needs to buck up and take care of you.  OK, I’m done now!!!!!  Just tell him he needs to get his ass up early one day and take you to the dr. if you still feel as crappy as you have been by Friday.

Hi Honey,
You will get through this. Keep in touch with your friends and bite your fingers when you start typing emails to him. As they say in the hood –Do you. No man is worth questioning your self worth over – certainly not at 23 when you take care of yourself and don’t need him for jack.
Buy some shoes and kick his ass with it.
Love you
Mom

Backstory: I was getting ready to go on my first date after a rough break up, and was talking to a couple of different guys.

Just wanted to bless your sweet heart……you don’t have to play the game.
BTW, what are you thinking about dating 2 men? Let me know, cause girls used to do it all the time back in my day.
I love you.

That’s great about your new job, I’m so proud of you babygirl!
So you know what I was thinking?…you live in the Bronx and work in Manhattan and Derek Jeter lives in Manhattan and works in the Bronx. You should give him a call & get together.