I will have to check your birth certificate.  I think you were born around dinner time but I am not absolutely sure.  I do know that you arrived as soon as I got to the hospital.  Assume around 7 pm unless I tell you differently.  I thought geneology was a legitimate subject for you to [...]

Stop stressing! Tomorrow your paper will be a memory and something new will occupy you (like pinatas and beer?).  Anyway, try to slow down.  Don’t volunteer for everything.  Don’t be so nice!  Take some time for you! You can save the world later in life - have some fun now!  My wisdom for the day.
I’ll [...]

Have you ever googled yourself??? I googled “Your Name” and “Fantasy Baseball” and your articles and analyses are all over the freaking internet! When do you have time to write papers for school???
Mom

Good morning my little one:
The Fafsa for my part is now complete.  When you have finished your part, then I can get in and print the signature page to mail to them.
I love you — those ding dongs at your new apartment are kind of disorganized - huh?

Mom: the picture you have on this messenger has someone else’s cheek connected to you
Me: haha yea its my friends. i thought it was an attractive cheek so i borrowed it for the night, made a nice accessory
Mom: some people may think you are siamese twins (i.e. a two-headed creature)
Me: yea, not the worst thing [...]

I can’t believe your grades and you have an incomplete.  What is wrong with you?  You have so much to offer and you keep fucking it up.  Dad said your one scholarship isn’t on the new statement, did they take it anyway because of your grade point average?  I have enough problems, without you adding [...]

Backstory: I receive daily updates from my mom who teaches drama at a Catholic Middle School.
Today I’m gearing up to deal with the little diva I made cry yesterday. She was giving 0 percent and had left her script at home and had never attempted to learn any of her lines, even though I [...]