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Backstory: I only date guys who are very smart and, in the past, this has equaled NOT the most attractive men out there. I finally found a smart and really hot guy! My mom was clearly shocked!
Me: I just sent you an email with a picture of me and Jeff. Did you get it?
Mom: Yeah. I have your email.
Mom: OMG! Holy Shit! I’m so used to you dating fuglies that I was shocked to see how handsome he is.
Backstory: My 70 year-old mother just met my sister’s new boyfriend. Phil is mom’s boyfriend.
Mary, Mary Maryyyyyyyy,
OMG. Does Sue know how lucky she is??? I saw a picture of him, but it didn’t do him justice. He has dark hair, blue eyes, and very white teeth that are just crooked enough to be so sexy. Like he needs the teeth thingy. I wish I were 40 and sexy and cute because I would give him the ride of his life. DO NOT tell Sue. She has a big mouth and would tell him. You know she would. I love her but she can’t keep anything to herself. OHHHH, Mary. WOW. OH OH OH no kidding. WOW. Phil got the kids so worked up they were having fun. I wonder what he thinks of this not ever been married or had children. He seems to take it in stride. OMG.
How’s that boy you were seeing? I can’t remember his name, the one that works at TGYF of Rudy Tuesdays or Applebee’s. I know he likes the red sox tho.
Backstory: I just turned 29 this week. My father called and advised me to start having children before it was too late. In reply, I joked “I have been practicing a lot!”. The next day I told my mom and sister the ‘practicing a lot’ joke. She did not respond. The next day, I received this email. She signed it with my sister’s name as well, whether she was in on it or not.
My Adorable 29th B’Day Girl:
If you’re trying hard to become a mom, make sure you and your sex partner have a clean bill of health, zero gonohrea, herpes, use vaginal, mouth, throat and pipi hygiene before and after.
Happy love making, an intimate indoor exercise sadly missed but not forgotten.
Love,
Mom & Sarah
Backstory: My mom and I were emailing about my childhood friend’s new baby. She asked me the baby’s name, and I told her it was Myles. Then the reminiscing began…
I dated a guy before I met your Dad named Myles. He was VERY GOOD LOOKING, and he was Jewish. He looked a lot like Michael Landon when he was very young. Is any of this of any interest to anybody else besides me?
He worked where I worked. There were four of us females in the office and we all couldn’t take our eyes off Myles. We all had a “crush on him” sort of. He and I went out, and he was WAY too needy. He was TOO nice, and TOO attentive, and TOO caring. I then had to kind of “dump him” but keep working with him. A little awkward. The other females couldn’t believe I didn’t want to go out with him again, but oh well… Then a few months later I met your Dad. I do, however, still remember how gorgeous he was. ahhh…. Myles.
Mom
Backstory: I got this after telling her about my new guy, the first one after I realized the last was gay.
Well, honey… since it took you a year and a half to realize Matt is gay– when I knew it and I’ve never met him face to face… let’s see… I’m not sure you have the best relationship instincts. But, I’m glad you can talk to him. Glad he seems to like you. Glad he’s appreciating you for being an intelligent girl. Glad he’s not feeling you up. Take it from there.
Backstory: I am recently divorced and mom and I have talked a lot lately about me moving to another city. We talked last week about the possibility of Austin.
Heard on the news today Austin, Tx has the highest condom purchases in the country? Must be a sign. Mommy Dearest.
Mom: Laura, I was writing in the chat box and it disappeared. What
happened????????????
Me: do you see the box now?
Mom: yes, thanks!!! Anyway, as I was saying, I was at the Toyota dealer’s today getting that check engine light /vsc trac system evaluated and started talking to this cute young man with a tiny gold hoop earring in his left ear. Does that mean he is gay or that he likes gold hoop earrings? He is a grad student in political science at San Marcos (TSU i think) and teaches high school geography during the day. He was in charge of the remote tv in the waiting room. Anyway, Texas boys are so polite. He is handsome and very sweet. So come on down—unless he is gay. Love, Mom
Backstory: The guy I’ve been dating will be spending the night at my apartment for the first time on Friday night. My dad is flying into the city early Saturday morning and is supposed to make his way to my place.
Mom: Here’s your dad’s itinerary for this weekend.
Me: Thanks Mom!
Mom: The Mama has yo’ back.
Sorry to hear about Dave breaking up with you. But he was kind of a douche. Why don’t you go online and look at some pictures of penises? there are plenty of penises in the sea.
XO Mommie Dearest
Hi Toots!
Dad and I were talking and we think that you should go on Match.com and pick out several more loser boyfriends. If you do this and your motivation to get revenge on exes by being more successful than they are continues to build in this way, we believe that you will be material for a certain Nobel prize at some point in the future. What do you think about this wonderful idea??!! Dad says we will pay for Match.com if you promise to give us a share of your Nobel prize money.
Love, Mombo and Heartie
P.S. Dad also says that your evil ex may have won a dumb grant, but he lost the biggest prize…YOU!!!! XXOO
