Dana,
Can you check Bobby’s away message and tell him:
1. No drinking during the work week. The wkds are for that, that’s why it’s the wkd, so you don’t go to your employer smelling like booze, hung over, risking you job.
2. Don’t put an away message up that might offend someone. If that girl see’s or [...]

I was talking to your sister today and she said she had a bladder infection. I said HOO BOY! You are in for a real ride! I warned her that the antibiotics might give her a yeast infection and I thought she was going to start crying. So then I told her “No sex for [...]

MOM: I want to set you up with this cute girl Jessica from the club.  She is 23 and has the nicest body!
ME: Thats great mom.  I am glad you are checking chicks out for me.
MOM: Well we all sit naked at the beauty bar.

Me:  he’s all “we’re camping out at an art and music festival in the middle of a huge field. we’re hippies.”  so he wants to get a tent and stuff after class, and then i’m getting my nose pierced.
Mom:  as long as the free love doesnt come in literally
hahaha
Me:  haha
no, i charge
Mom:  omg. don’t make [...]

I bought some baby clothes for you today.
I know you aren’t pregnant, but I thought that maybe if I bought the clothes it would work in reverse…like I could will you to get knocked up.
Are you knocked up?  Tell that husband of yours to get busy.  I want you two sexing it up like rabbits.
Hear [...]

Princess,
I need your list of the stuff you want me to pick up @ the store, so I can send your package.
example….
measuring spoons
cookie sheets
mixing bowls
Condoms? type & size?
Love,
Mom

Why don’t you start a trend? Try dating him BEFORE you sleep with him.  The dating thing might catch on.

pee after sex! love you xo

oh worry, new york has 3 times the rate of new hiv infection of us cities,  72 cases per 100,000. date only virgins.

Good news! I called Huffy who makes the retro bike she REALLY wants, and asked if they make it in 24″ and they do! (BUT) only for Walmart! So, I got on line and ordered a 24″ Huffy Cranbrook Cruiser and got free shipping to boot! Dad and I were having an intense verbal exchange [...]

what is the reason for loving Michael Phelps…  could it have anything to do with his large package???????? Did you get everything done that you wanted to do today? were you able to leave work early like you wanted to do?  call me later.  love you Mommy

Mom:  Oh, I saw pics of him
Mom:  I didn’t think he’d be your type
Me:  he’s not, really
Mom:  I sort of wrote him off as a poonhound
Mom:  he has that look about him
Me:  I don’t think so
Me:  but good use of the word “poonhound”, mom
Mom:  thanks, it’s one of my favourites

Be careful! PENILE warts are rampant on college campuses.
Just thought you should know.
Love,
Mom

I have not been able to get ahold of your brother.  Haven’t talked to him in over a week.  Last night he called to say he was in town.  I told him great because the guest room was all clean and ready.  Then, he informed me that he would be staying with his girlfriend.  I [...]

Having a hard time concentrating this afternoon. My mind keeps drifting to Montana, a certain mountain man, and ….. Damn.
Love you.
Mom

Backstory: my 72 year old Mother went with her friend to the local casino b/c they sent a coupon for a free steak…at the Chippendale’s 5 p.m. show.
We had a good time Saturday, the show was hilarious, g-string only, thank God!  Never heard so many screaming women, sex starved, I guess, Ha!  Got a [...]

Backstory: I am going on a trip to NYC tomorrow and I asked my mom to buy some tupelo honey for my friend who I am going to visit.  AJ is my Aunt Jamie and she’s a germophobe.
AJ packs her underwear in plastic bags so the inspectors don’t get their hands on it. Like her [...]

Oh I forgot.. Ashley is getting a divorce.  Apparently her husband is some kinda kook who spends all his time on his computer, and doesn’t like sex–this is coming from Sharon’s neighbor.  Dad cannot believe kids these days.

Peter has actually started tearing up the bedroom.  He says the walls and floors are held together with staples, which are terribly hard to get undone.  He prefers screwing (the boards, that is).  Well, actually……..
Never mind!!

I saw this show called The L-Word on Showtime last night. OMG This girl strapped this leather thing with a big purple ____ on another girl and they were going at it. You couldn’t see anything really because of a pillow, but OMG I’ve never seen anything like that before even in the movies.  Other [...]