Would You Take My Thinning Hair?

Mom: Believe me, if I could have your symptoms for a while to give you a break, I would totally do it.
Me: i am so touched that you would want these guts of mine
Mom: I would take anything of yours, but honestly, would you want what I have in return? A bum leg that is cold and purple? Thinning hair? A sagging ass? Dark circles? A bad memory?

So It’s Not the Phone?

Backstory: My mother calls. I have no voice, so I ignore the call and text her back. She responds by text.

Me: Can’t talk, I have no voice. I’m sick.
Mom: Don’t you have another phone?
Me: It doesn’t matter, I can’t talk. I don’t have a voice.
Mom: so why don’t you talk on your other phone.
Me: because I have no voice.
Mom: why is that phone broken too?
Me: the phones are fine, I just don’t have a voice. I can’t talk. I’m sick.
Mom: so it’s not the phone.
Me: no. I’m sick, I have no voice.
Mom: oh. hope your fever gets better.

Starve a Cold (of Coddling)

Backstory: I’ve been sick with a cold and have been known to leave trails of kleenex behind me. I got this shortly after we finished watching a movie.

get your lily white ass down to the basement and throw away your kleenex

Love, Mom
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