Aspirational New Year’s Resolutions

Backstory: My New Year’s resolution was to quit smoking.  My mom had apparently had a few which compromised her texting abilities.

Mom: Have you quit smoking!
Me: Pretty much
Mom: Cool.  I have given up drinkin4
Me: Why did you quit!?
Mom: Still dimling.
Mom: Got any cigarettes?

Are You Having A Seizure?

Mom: Sometime soon will u look in your glovr
Me: ? I don’t have a glovr?
Mom: Glove box and see if u can find out how mu h  sales taz I paid when I bought your carr
Mom: I think I cqn take if off my yaxes
Mom: Taxes
Me: Are you having a seizure?
Mom: No, holding a smoke.

Time to Put Mom on Limited Profile (Or Stop Smoking)

Backstory: She recently got facebook, but refuses to interact with anyone on facebook itself. She just emails us about the things she sees on facebook.

sending this as an e-mail…not a Facebook comment – which I don’t do.
if you really smoked that cigarette at the Thursday gallery outing, you (B) will depend on M to dole out any inheritance you think you might be getting.  seriously.  She’ll be in charge of all pursestrings.

Smoking and Drinking

Me: Hey Mom!  How was your birthday?
Mom: It was wonderful!  We smoked and drank ALLL weekend!
Me: Umm …really?  You smoked and drank all weeekend?
Mom: Yep!  We made a pitcher of margarita’s and smoked a turkey and a brisket and even some sausage!!

Love, Mom