Practice Doesn’t Always Make Perfect

Backstory: I just turned 29 this week. My father called and advised me to start having children before it was too late. In reply, I joked “I have been practicing a lot!”. The next day I told my mom and sister the ‘practicing a lot’ joke. She did not respond. The next day, I received this email. She signed it with my sister’s name as well, whether she was in on it or not.

My Adorable 29th B’Day Girl:

If you’re trying hard to become a mom, make sure you and your sex partner have a clean bill of health, zero gonohrea, herpes, use vaginal, mouth, throat and pipi hygiene before and after.
Happy love making, an intimate indoor exercise sadly missed but not forgotten.
Love,
Mom & Sarah

Posted on 09.06.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , ,

New Dress/STD Testing

Hi Honey,

Seems like a while since we chatted, How are you doing. I am really looking forward to seeing you next week. Dad has not booked a hotel yet but we should either get one near the wedding reception or near you.

I ordered a new dress I hope you like it.

Are you taking good care of yourself. Eating right and getting your exercise /That will help you deal with all the ups and downs in life. Also if you had unprotected sex with J. or anyone K. you should always get tested for std’s as many people have them and don’t know.It can cause sterility as well as a host of problems.

love you

mom

Posted on 07.29.2011 at 11:00 am// Tagged: , , , ,

Getting Checked Out, Even for a Little Bit of “Relations”

me: btw, in case youre wondering – i heard back from the doctor
i don’t have vd
i thought i should tell you
you know, since you knew i was going to the doctor

Mom: i’m VERY glad, but it wasn’t really a concern,was it?

me: no, no, of course not
but, it’s worth checking out every so often

Mom: i guess it is if you have been haveing even a little bit of relations.

Posted on 03.05.2009 at 9:01 am// Tagged: ,

A Mother’s Warning

Be careful! PENILE warts are rampant on college campuses.

Just thought you should know.

Love,
Mom

Posted on 08.12.2008 at 5:57 pm// Tagged: , ,



Love, Mom