Dad is a BFB
Mom: ur dad is a bfb
Me: bfb?
Mom: big fucking baby, duh!
How to Date-Text Your Mom
Backstory: I was on a dinner date and texted my mother while he was in the bathroom.
Me: He is such a good door opener.
Mom: Tati
Me: Tati??
Mom: Yay!!!
Me: Oh
Mom: Bahahahahahaha
Me: Hahahahahahah you are a silly ho
Me: And we are at a fancy restaraunt!!!
Mom: Does he know you’re texting?
Mom: Use your napkin
Not That Kind of Entertainment
Backstory: my friend had text my mother saying “get her to stop singing to us” while on a roadtrip because they all hate how horrible of a singer i am, even though i’m convinced i’m great.
Mom: Will you please stop singing to them? I’m trying to work and keep getting texts that you’re annoying the shit out of them. Besides, you’re awful.
Me: Mom..clearly i was born to entertain.
Mom: yeah…maybe with your clothes off.
Is There a Special Number?
If I want to send someone a text message, do I have to have a special number? Or can I just send it to their regular phone number?
Texting is a Gateway Drug
Mom: Look at that guy! Texting and trying to cross! He probably texts and drives too.
Ugh it just drives me crazy! Maybe I’m just jealous because I’m not a part of it.
Me: HA I can teach you how to text.
Mom: No. That’s just a gateway to things like FaceBook and MyFace.
Beatles Rock Band Forces Mom to Reset Priorities
Backstory: My Dad bought Beatles Rock Band the other day, and my Mom, who used to be really fast at responding to my texts, has stopped replying. I text her to find out if her texting was broken.
im sure that if i hadnt been rehearsing for our concert tour i wouldve sent you a text
New Cook Phone!
Im txting you from my new super cool purple phone same insane mother new cook phone xoxoxo
I am not a fluzzy.
Backstory: My mom recently went on a date after a LONG drought. She is JUST getting into text messaging, but hasn’t quite figured it out.
Me: Yay! Did you like him? Thinking of you while drinking a Corona.
Mom: Yesheisveryhandsome
Me: Awesome. You totally invited him over, didn’t you? :)
Mom: Noiamnotafluzzy
Me: Hahaha! The GOAL is to be a little fluzzy now and then!
Mom: Notitisnotbythewaywhereisthespace
Me: It’s probably the zero key.
Mom: okloveyoubesafe
Me: No we won’t. Going home with rusty and bigdog-not sure where we are. :)
Mom: Callyourdadnodont
Over-Texting Momma
Mom: Did u get in2 class
Mom: How was wk
Mom: How was wk
Me: It was ok
Mom: Was it busy
Me: Very
Mom: WOW!
Mom: Hi did u get in2 class
Mom: What do u do in class
Don’t Be a Weenie
Backstory: I met an English guy while out clubbing this weekend, and texted my mom about it. she had also recently sent me some Italian chocolates, so i guess it was a twofold meaningful text.
Don’t be blinded by the english accent, you weenie!! love you and hope you enjoy the chocolate.
You’re Never too Old for Mom to Embarrass You
Mom: Guess who’s standing in front of me right now?! B H. He’s a car sales man and came in to pass out his business cards…small world huh? He said to say “Hi.” He lives in C, married with 2 kids. He too is on Facebook. Just thought I’d let you know. Love ya
Me: I saw his pic on FB a while back – he looks pretty hot…good genes.
Mom: Bawahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..I read him your reply! He turned 50 shades of red! He is hot! Seems like a nice enough guy….always question those car sales people!!
Me: Take some pepto for that diarrhea of the mouth!
Mom: Oh shut up
Sometimes a Cheeseburger is Just a Cheeseburger
Mom: I have a question for you…I was snooping through your brother’s text messages- he’s been sketchy- is that what y’all say?- lately. Anyways, his troublemaker friend sent him a text that said, “hey, can you get me a cheeseburger?” What does that mean?
Me: Ummm…mom, what do you mean? It probably means “hey, can you get me a cheeseburger?”
Mom: Oh…are you sure? I just thought maybe it could be some sort of hip secret code for some type of drug or something…
Text Message Panic
mom: hello please text me back if you get this.
me: got it
mom: oh good I thought something was wrong with my text messages. I have sent 3 texts to your brother but no reply. I am worried he’s dead or worse just drunk all the time.
me: I talked to him this morning, he’s not dead at least. I can’t vouch for the rest.
mom: I’m so glad I learned this texting stuff just so I could “supposedly” communicate with him. I’m now paying 30 extra bucks a month for him to ignore me, like always.
me: well at least you’re all hip now with your cool new phone.
mom: whoop de do
He’s Very Special
Backstory: My mom has trouble properly spelling words while texting. Also, this text is about her childhood milkman who she ran into at the Doctor’s office
Oh yes i wood recognize hin anywhere hes uery speciaj
High Chat Anxiety
Just cant figure how the comments got there about returning a text message or whatever it said. How would someone elses texts get on my chat area? Im not sure what this is here I am typing on, it says Chat with A* in a new big square separate from the side. This also looks like an email but as a chat session. I cant see my chat and the words have gone up into some space. I cant get to it and it wont send. Also this different chat thing is here, maybe I brought it up when I clicked on chat on the left side of the screen where you can see your history of chats and all that. I think that is how I saw you had chatted me, things weren’t going normal on the regular chat space (like now). Im sending this to see if you will get it, not sure. I will email you also. Maybe I should just shut down and start over. I am not a wiz at this thing. When it does crappy things I cant fix or figure out. I love you and am sorry if you felt I intentionally ignored you or something. Sad face. Your mom.
Mother’s Day change of plans
Dad says we’re picking you up at 4:15 @ your house for a 5;00 dinner. This is because (of course) everywhere is booked out for Mother’s Day Lunch. There’s a lesson in here, if we could only read it…..
Please still make it or I’ll have no-one to text during the meal….
