Your Daily Dose of Total Gibberish

Backstory: My Mum often send me gibberish via text when she’s bored. Sometimes I indulge her but often I’m busy and can’t. There are many more texts from my Mum just like this.
Mum: yo booboo
Me: What?
Mum: yo hubbly bubbly
Me: What the actual fuck?
Mum: hahahohoheheyoyo
Me: Get away
Mum: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhaaaaaaane hearties
Me: No.
Mum: ooh mama says yessssssssss
Mum: i will i know the secret door
Me: I’m ignoring you now.
Mum: at ur peril

Your Chiropractor Reads Your Text Messages?

Me: mini blizzards are back!
Me: Never say that again, please…
Mom:My chiropractor laughed at that
Me: Your chiropractor reads your text messages?
Mom: Yes…doesn’t yours

Hope Mom Gets What She Wants for Christmas

Backstory: My mother has started texting a lot.  However, she does have difficulty with the predictive texting.  I think / hope she meant ‘sewing’.

For Christmas I want a sexing machine.

How Texting Works?

I’m trying to call Jessica to get my hair cut but it says her phone is disconnected. Can you text her for me?

Safe Sex for Strangers

Backstory: My mother got a text from someone she didn’t know and decided to play along. She sent me the conversation.

Stranger: “So when you go to get plan B pill do you have to ask for it?”
Mom: “Yes, speak to a pharmacist. Who is this?”
Stranger: “Mike?”
Mom: “No, wrong number. good luck”
Stranger: “This is Kevin, right?”
Mom: “No. But you may need to talk to planned parenthood to get it. Don’t forget to wear a condom! I am a concerned mom. good luck!”

Incoming Text Alert

Lookit! I can now do this 300 times per month! Get ready for text extravaganza!

To My Three Daughters

Backstory: My Mom recently learned how to text and likes to send mass text messages to my three sisters and me, no matter the occasion.

Goodnight bitches!!! Hahaha

Nope, Not Reassuring

Backstory: I was whining to my mom about a guy in my education course who is incapable of giving coherent explanations of his thoughts. We’re both sticklers for grammar, but apparently that’s not her only concern.

And he’s going to be a teacher. Btw, I wonder about your language skills when you use whore instead of whose. Or maybe it’s just that you use that word more often when texting. Nope, that’s not reassuring either.

Texting Out of Boredom

Mom: send me the link to your movie!
Me: ok go on skype
Mom: can’t. internet is out due to wind. just e-mail me. also i talked to gma gpa today. they will call you soon.
Me: ok. are you texting me out of boredom because there is no internet?
Mom: yes.
Mom: trees down. roads closed. power out for some.
Me: you could do a puzzle or something.
Mom: yep.
Mom: (picture message of my dog)

Getting Into the Texting Habit

Backstory: My mom recently bought a phone with a qwerty keyboard for the purposes of texting so she could keep in closer touch. After a weekend of texts that said things like “ha ha, I’m texting you”, I stopped getting texts, so I emailed her to ask why.

Okay this weekend I am charging up my phone and getting at it.  And if I don’t text please phone me and remind me.  I just don’t even think of it.  I have to make it part of my life, like a habit.  Like wine or smokes.

Texts from Last Night

Why did you send me that text last night and who is that Colin? Is he evil? MOM

Watching Oprah, Sending Texts

4:30 pm: Have u heard of va jay jay? learned it on oprah
4:41 pm: Soak your feet in brewed tea half hr a day for a wk to stop smell says dr oz
4:43 pm: Hangover cure- aspirin n water before bed egg coffee n aspirin in morning I LOVE OPRAH

Over-Texting Momma

Mom: Did u get in2 class
Mom: How was wk
Mom: How was wk
Me: It was ok
Mom: Was it busy
Me: Very
Mom: WOW!
Mom: Hi did u get in2 class
Mom: What do u do in class

Breaking News

I was behind a lady about 60 yrs old at TJ Maxx and followed her to the carts. She was dressed really nice. She farted really HUGE 3 times!!

drama is boring

Good morning i an in a drama workshop it is so boring i am pretending to be at the toilet hope you managed to sort out internet dont forget take it easy love you

Love, Mom