Twitter Treif
Backstory: My twitter said “just made a bacon cheeseburger and ate it. yum.” I’m Jewish. My Mom thought this was a Shanda. (It was turkey bacon.)
You had a bacon cheeseburger?????????? Nooooooooooooooooooo.
The Perfect Two-Dimensional Man
mom: I found the perfect guy for you!
me: oh really?
mom: YES! He’s Jewish. He’s a doctor. And he’s really cute.
me: that sounds perfect. what’s his name?
mom: I don’t remember, I have to look it up.
me: where are you looking it up?
mom: On the internet.
me: on the internet?
mom: He is a character from this movie I watched with Sheri, “In Her Shoes.”
me: he’s a character from a movie?
mom: Yes, but he’s so cute.
me: he’s not a real person.
mom: I can just tell he’s a very nice boy.
me: you’re delusional.
mom: I’m only thinking of you.
