Mom: So what do you make of clooneys date?
Me: I haven’t looked yet…
Mom: In an interview he said she didn’t speak english.
Me: What?!  That’s weird!
Mom: No honey………… that’s beard!  Lol… snort!

Mom: I have a guest in my living room you would like to see……
Me: Who?
Mom: Hugh Jackman…OSCAR night
Me: Has he gotten naked yet?
Mom: I don’t know I’m talking to you
Me: ask dad
Mom: Dad’s not watching it
Me: What the hell is he doing then? Being anti-social?
Mom: watching some loser car shit
Mom: I took a nap on the couch and woke up with a metallic taste in my mouth. i accused your dad of trying to poison me
Me: He probably did…
Me: Gandalf the cat says hi. And he wants to know if the outside is as beautiful as it was a couple days ago…
Mom: No, it’s white and cold
Me: And there are scary black cats looking for him
Mom: I beat the black cat with a broom and said “this is from gandy mother fuc*er!!”